May 23, 1986

Mr. Robert Lindsay

Equal Opportunity Government Relations Manager

Goodyear Industries

1 Goodyear Boulevard

Lawton, Oklahoma 73505

Dear Bob,

I would like to apply herewith to become a Goodyear Green Tire Sorter, I think I could do real good at it because even though I have no experience, green is my favorite color. I definitely don't want to be a Laydown Operator or a Blender Bagger so don't waste your time offering me these scumbag jobs,

I do have some experience in patching bullet holes in blimps and I know Goodyear has this problem. I also think I'm qualified to be a Scrubber Driver or a Plant Manager if either is open. I'm also willing to start right away so nobody has to "work over" due to a worker shortage.

If you hire me, I will put in a good word for you with my friend in Akron, Ohio and I could shed aome light on why the Barrett trucks don't work right, After my promotion, I may consider discussing the secret tire process at Goodrich or even where Goodyear dumps it's toxic waste illegally and nobody knows it.

You should know right up front that I am an astronaught candidate so's I could need to leave real quick if they need me (see enclosures) and I would promise to wear a Goodyear patch on my space suit (glue only-no needle holes) and put in a good word for you in my future book "A Green Tire Sotter in Space Part I"

Please let me know real quick because I'm turning down lots of offers til I know if you will hire me on the A shift with a letter of committment.

God Bless Your Banberry,

Hermie 0. Mastenfeldt

Senior Chief Deputy Assistant

Future Green Tire Sorters of America


I am a black native American so I count on EO quotas twict!