6 August 1985

Director NASA

Washington 25, D.C. 20310

Dcar Sir,

I would like to apply herewith to be a space astronaught. I am highly qualified, as you will doubtless agree, and besides I am a good public image as well.

I am in real good physical condition as I run at least one mile every week and do sit-ups and push-ups too. I have many different brightly colored running T-shirts with different sayings on them that you will find amusing.

I have a master's degree in meteorology so when up in space, I can look at the meteorological phenomina from the top and come up with some startling new conclusions for which NASA can take credit - isobars could be renamed nasabars.

I am also single so I would be willing to participate in the experiment to see if a girl can get pregnant in space (zero G). I can be the father of any potential space bastard because I think the girls you send up in space are neat looking and they stimulate me so's I won't have any sex trouble when the time comes. I especially would like to experiment with Sally Ride if possible. I have enclosed my picture to show her. Do we need to practice for this experiment?

Also, I am willing to buy my own space suit - well, I'l1 ask for it for Christmas. But, you need to tell me ASAP if I'll need to do any space walking so I'll know if I need one with little rockets and air hoses. Also, I'll need the patch to sew on, and the little flag too.

I know you'll be checking up on me so I might as well just tell you that I am the one who applied to be the Pope. I don't think the rejection should be held against me. They said I couldn't because I'm not a Catholic, but I think I could have brought a fresh new outlook to the Church.

Please get back to me on this matter quickly as my future plans depend on knowing if you accept me or not.


Hermie O. Mastenfeldt

PS. I am not revolted by monkey poop