1. In the beginning there was Chaos. And the people dwelled in the wastelands with little purpose but to wage war one upon the other. And the Colonels among them hated one another and the DOIM coveted the Colonels' horses, wives and computers.

2. It came to pass that the people assembled into tribes - the Las Crucens, the Hollomanites, the Alamogordians, the El Pasoans, and the dreaded WSMRites. And the Lord gave unto the WSMRites a leader strong and wise in all things.

3. This leader, known as Thomas the Jones, summoned the kings of the lesser tribes and said unto them, "I will sell you my horses for a pittance; my soldiers will seldom block your passage through my lands; my water and treasure are yours to share; and my DOIM shall not meddle with your computers."

4. And peace came over the land; the people rejoiced saying, "Surely Thomas is the wisest of them all."

5. Thomas had wed Rachael and they begot Shelly, Thomas, Sandy and Sheryl, who had grown and abided in distant lands.

6. And Thomas grew in years and cried unto the Lord saying, "Lord, I wish to retire." "So be it," said the Lord, "Buy many trucks and paint them red and journey to the land of Rincon, where you will start anew and grow alfalfa and tired. You shall have many blessings, and a few snakes, and you may wear cowboy clothes, and you need not shave."

7. And Thomas said, "Right! Yea, tho I walk through the valley of pecans, I shall eat no shells."

8. "My trucks shall be red, and my dog shall be known as Bear, and I shall dwell in the Valley of Mesilla forever."

9. So endeth the story of Thomas the Jones and thus beginneth the tale of Thomas the Jones, part II.


Written for MG Thomas Jones by Gunnar Carlson