I just had a viewer comment on this blogg, wondering if men really got tattoos on their penises. Well, its true, its true. It's a rather funny process. I put a board and towel in his lap and tell him to whip it out. Once I hit it with the needle, it kinda shrivels and tries to escape. I have to jerk it back out to continue work. This is not mentioning facial and sound effects. Ha!
posted by Die Hard at 3:43 PM

I try not to be surprised by what a person may want as a tattoo. I'm pretty much inured by now. Some of my favourites are (Remember that tattooing is an art form and is subjective):
* The 260 lb, 6'3" biker that wants a tweety bird.
* The tasmainian devil on a gal's breast, where the taz's penis is her nipple.
* A couple guys coming in and wanting matching roses on their ankles. I don't ask.
* A vulture with the words, "Patience My Ass", on a butt.
* A long stemmed rose on a gal, where the stem goes into the pubic hair; so she can say she has a rose bush.
* Cartoon eyes on the head of a penis. I always thought that candy stripping was more appropos.
* An eyeball on the back of the head.
* Scooby Doo on the rodeo cowboy.
* Goofy with a lawn mower on a gal's pubis.
* The words, "Proceed with Caution", on a guy's front belt line.
* The guy with the great idea to put a 7-legged spider on the head of his penis. His idea was to have me tattoo the 8th leg of the spider on his lady's lip. Well, the spider turned out ok, but she didn't want anything to do with the rest of his idea. As they say, "The best laid plans of mice and men oft go awry".
* Another penis tattoo includes the words, "YOUR NAME" on the shaft.
* An old favourite is the USDA PRIME stamp on a butt.
* Elmer Fudd and Bugs on a motorcycle, riding through the top hairs of the pubis, with the words, "Wyd to Wyv, Wyv to Wyd."
There are more of course, these are just a few I remember doing for right now.
posted by Die Hard at 12:29 AM

The reasons a person gets a tattoo are many and varied. The most misguided, of course, is for the reason of LOVE. I've tattooed more girlfriends and boyfriends names than I can remember. Most of these come back to me looking for a cover up. My standard caution to someone that wants a name tattoo is, "Your third husband (or wife) might not like this." But, of course, there is no accounting for love. I recently tattooed a gal's name (9 letters) in two inch Old English across this guy's back. He said, that she said, she'll love him more if he did it. Talk about a power move. Anyway, the grapevine says that he already regrets it. Hope his next girlfriend has the same name.

posted by Die Hard at 9:55 PM

Now, this gets a bit more complicated when I do a portrait of a girlfriend or wife. You've heard about this as a joke, or in the movies, but it really happens. I've had guys come back to me looking to tattoo a gun shooting the portrait through the head, or an arrow, or blacken the eyes, or knock the teeth out, or put a hairy wart on the nose, and etc. This is funny.

posted by Die Hard at 10:00 PM

Seems that oriental characters is another favourite tattoo to get. There is, however, a misconception. Somehow it gets into peoples head that the orientals write the same way we do and their fancy character writing can spell out occidental words. Oriental characters can express several thoughts at once and there is a lot of cross-content to meanings and they also read up and down (not left to right). I have a collection of oriental characters, from a reputable source, that lists their many meanings and offer this for those that wish to consider them. There are other sources, but where they come from or how reputable they are is anyone's guess. I do have customers, occasionally, come with their own drawings of these characters and seem to be sure of the meanings. How they think these can spell out an occidental's name or the word 'CHEVY' is beyond me. I once had a guy that insisted, even after I cautioned him, to do it. It was, he said, his girlfriends name. I found out later, that he had shown it off in a Taiwanese resturant and the cooks had a big laugh. It turned out to mean that he apparently liked, bred, ate, or collected dogs. Wheew! I'm not sure what the girlfriend's reaction was.
posted by Die Hard at 10:53 PM

I've been tattooing for almost 20 years. I find that the ladies, overall, take it much better then the men. However, of the hysterical reactions that I do get, the ladies take the cake. I once had the cops come calling, because someone had called in a rape; the gal I was tattooing was yelling and screaming so much. Wheew!

Another reaction I get from some ladies, is weeping. Man, that's tough. Talk about co-dependancy! I feel so bad, I want to stop, but, invariably, they wish to continue. I just use more paper towels.

Every once in awhile, I get one of those ladies that gets sexually excited. Really! It does get hard to concentrate when the breathing gets 'hot and heavy'.
posted by Die Hard at 9:48 PM

Sometimes, I have a problem with a gal fainting. But this is not a particular trait to females. Men have the monopoly on this. I wouldn't have believed it 20 years ago, but its true. I find it amusing when the guy I'm working on falls limp in my chair, then recovers and tries to ignore the fact. I, of course, am ever tactful and continue as if nothing has happened.
posted by Die Hard at 11:30 PM