In other news

Listening to Bob & Tom talk about Idaho Senator Larry Craig's escapades in the Minneapolis airport bathroom the other day, I thought of something that could either be a legitimate press release from his office, or an Onion article. After they complained about the long layovers in Minneapolis, a Bob & Tom contributor called in to talk about his experiences in that same bathroom back in the 1980s. Then it hit me:

Sociologists attribute high incidence of homosexual activity in Minneapolis Airport to long layovers (AP, Minneapolis-St. Paul)

In the wake of Idaho Senator Larry Craig's recent misunderstanding in the Airport bathroom, an investigation into the incident revealed a disturbing pattern going back for at least three decades. Researchers found an unusually high incidence of homosexual encounters between heterosexual men, some of whom were strongly hetero or even strongly violent homophobes. In many cases, the cause was apparently "boredom arising from excessively long layovers."

One victim, a "John Smith" of Utah, summarized his experience for investigators: "I was there so long, I had lost any conscious knowledge of myself as a person, an individual. It wasn't just my sexuality I had begun to question: it was my metaphysical being. If you don't exist, does it matter which side of the Glory Hole you're on?" Other victims noted that since they had given up hope of ever actually leaving the airport, they didn't see any harm in experimenting with sides of their sexuality that had lain dormant. "With my wife, obviously I'm usually the pitcher, but I have always wondered what it was like to have a [female reproductive system]. I don't have one, so I [played catcher]."

Senator Craig's office, quick to respond to this new information, issued a press release detailing the Senator's efforts to obtain additional funding for the FAA in order to relieve the congestion and his work to reform the more aggressive tactics used by TSA officers. Few other restroom victims complained about the TSA pat-downs. While some did note the horrific styling of their uniforms, others seemed to think that they aided in the presentation of authoritative, or "butch", persona.

In other news, The Onion reports that nobody can tell whether the Wikipedia entry for Dadaism has been vandalized or not. Maybe the new Wiki-scanner will help? Or not.