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Redemption
I
The wind an artic breath
Found four walls
Held together with termites
Little resistance to blitzkrieg
Like a chain link fence,
An open door,
a mind reduced to pure hypocrisy.
It poured in like ice water
Miniature manifestations of discomfort
Appeared in military row
After row up and down the rails of my spine,
Marched ahead to the brain and damn near
Motivated me to gain a foot hold on the front.
Instead, add another blanket
Or sacrifice another past due notice
Ceremoniously in the make shift fire place
That used to be the cats' food dish.
When I was a baby,
Or what by now I consider a baby,
My father, forced to sell hamburgers at work
For extra cash to pay for: braces, clothes, dinner
Three times a week, had to haul the whole family
To his in-laws on Christmas eve.
A pipe burst beneath my room,
Flooded, froze, ruined
Every gift I have since received.
II
The pawn shop knows me by name.
I go there to watch my TV, listen to my CDs,
Look at the antique engagement ring
I gave to my fiancee.
I ask if I can move in and earn my keep at the store.
The bitter beaten down grin and chuckle is the only answer
He sees fit to give.
I smile though I am serious and ask him if he deals
In rare coins of the family heirloom variety.
With the money, I can eat for a week,
We can eat for three days.
They always told me I should go see my great grandmother
Before she died. I shrugged it off because
I couldn't afford the trip,
Not emotionally anyway. They said
She lost her mind in a way
And I thought to myself how it didn't matter how it's lost
Just that it is.
When she died, I received old silver coins, ancient to me,
Like she had been my whole life.
They were sealed in a plastic sandwich bag and handed to me
To remember her by in case one day,
I lost my mind.
Michael G. Howell has recently been "thrust into the clutches of family life. I am employed full-time as a Security Officer but somehow manage to find time in between work and family to write. I am a member of the poetry group "Prescription Strength Poetry" in Cape Girardeau, MO. I have several poems and essays published in Journey Magazine from Southeast Missouri State University as well as one comical poem on asininepoetry.com. Currently I hold a BA in English, Creative Writing Emphasis from Southeast Missouri State University and plan to complete a Masters Degree in the same field and move on to a Ph.D. (July 2004).
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