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Hi, here is my edition of:
THE OTHER SIDE OF YOUR HOROSCOPE

AQUARIUS (Jan 20 - Feb 18)

You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive, so you lie a lot, and are fickle and irresponsible. You repeat the same mistakes because you are a hopeless airhead. Everyone thinks you are a shallow fucking jerk, but you are really deeply a fucking jerk.
PISCES (Feb 19 - Mar 20)

You have vivid imagination, probably think you are followed by CIA. You have subtle influence over others, who resent your sneakiness and sniveling insinuations. You appear mysterious because you don't know what you are doing. You lack confidence and are generally a dipshit.
ARIES (Mar 21 - Apr 19)

You are the aggressive pioneer type and think most people are worthless dickheads. You are quick tempered, impatient, and scornful of advice. You do not like to be told the truth because it contradicts your opinion. Though you are a prick--or cunt--you are notoriously a lousy fuck.
TAURUS (Apr 20 - May 20)

You are practical, persistent, have a dogged determination, and work like hell at meaningless jobs. Most people think you are stupid, stubborn, and bullheaded. You are stupid, stubborn, and bullheaded, probably a communist at heart.
GEMINI (May 21 - Jun 21)

You have a quick and intelligent mind. You try to manipulate everyone because you think they are stupid, but people like you anyway because you put out at parties. You are inclined to expect to get a lot for very little, which makes you a cheap bastard. You are so two-faced you can--and should--go fuck yourself.
CANCER (Jun 22 - Jul 22)

You are sympathetic to other people's problems, which makes you a sucker. You are always sidestepping your own problems and putting off decisions, which is why you will always be a worthless shit. You are a klepto and a fraud, and would be most at home in jail.
LEO (Jul 23 - Aug 22)

You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are a puffed-up idiot. You are a natural bully and cannot tolerate criticism, especially if it is true. A lazy jerkoff, you spend most of your time kissing mirrors, and expecting everyone else to kiss your ass. No king of beasts, you suck.
VIRGO (Aug 23 - Sep 22)

You are the logical type and hate disorder in the smallest details. This nit-picking is sickening to your friends. You are detached and unemotional, and often fall asleep while fucking, but most passionate when throwing a tantrum. You should be a garbage collector, pimp, or proctologist.
LIBRA (Sep 23 - Oct 23)

You are the artistic type and have a hard time with reality. You are either a closet catamite or an anal-retentive jerkoff. Since you have no talent, your chance of success is zero. Libra women are all whores, but haven't the sense or honesty to get paid. You are a loser without a clue.
SCORPIO (Oct 24 - Nov 21)

The worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You are sexually ruthless and would fuck a warthog for promotion. You achieve success because you are utterly without conscience, the perfect motherfucker. You will probably be murdered, if there is such a thing as justice.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22 - Dec 21)

You are optimistic and enthusiastic, a real chump. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck because you have no talent for making plans. You are unimaginative, boring, and clumsy, and if not one already, will probably become a drunk with hemorrhoids.
CAPRICORN (Dec 22 - Jan 19)

You are conservative and ambitious, but afraid of taking risks. You are basically a pushy chickenshit. There has never been a Capricorn of the least importance or worth. Nixon was a Capricorn. Do the world a favor and kill yourself.