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I. Thou Shalt Expect Thy Homecoming to be
Stressful. Stress is a reaction to change and even
positive change can be stressful. Both sides
idealize what the reunion will be like, which often
causes disappointment.
Out of hardship and separation come unrealistic
expectations. Men dream about driving their car or
motorcycle, eating home cooked meals, spending time
with the kids and of course SEX. While she’s
dreaming about you fixing everything that has
broken. Neither of you are likely to live up to the
other’s expectations.
II. Thou Shall Enjoy be an Invited Guest in Thy
Own Home. Your spouse and children have
learned to manage without you. Your spouse has
learned to be more independent running the household
as a single parent.
You may feel threatened by your spouse’s newfound
independence and you may feel unwanted in your own
home. Realize that both of you have grown and
changed personally, in order to survive the
deployment. Allow your family to continue
functioning as they have been, while you were
deployed. Take things slowly and make changes even
more slowly. Your family has been planning for your
return for a long time, be patient, act like a guest
and let them celebrate your return the way they have
planned for it.
III. Thou Shalt Not Criticize Thy Spouse Upon Thy
Return. Your spouse has done the best job they
could. Your job is to provide praise,
encourage and thanks. Don’t get caught up in
the “Who Had It Worse Game.” If your children are
still alive, your spouse has done a great job! If
you look for ways your spouse could have done
better, you’ll soon be looking for a marriage
counselor. Your spouse held your family together and
deserves your thanks.
IV. Thou Shalt Change Whether You Want to or
Not. Change is an inevitable fact of life
& it’s good. Deployment & “Return
& Reunion” takes both husband and wife out of
their comfort zones. It takes energy to adjust to
change even if it’s a positive change. Things will
never be the same as they were before the
deployment, you have both changed in positive ways
in order to survive the separation. Your lives will
be different.
V. Thou Shalt Spend Quality Time with Thy
Children. Children equate love with time. The
more time you spend with them, the more they’ll feel
loved by you. Spend time with your children as a
group and individually. Each child has a tremendous
need to feel special to their parents. Children
idolize their parents, you are a hero to them.
Children become unruly during times of change. Let
your spouse
continue to be the primary disciplinarian &
gradually share this role over time. Don’t let your
child’s 1st memory of your return be one where
you’re spanking them. They’ll remember that for the
rest of their lives. Tell your children that you
love them and back
it up with time spent with them and affection.
VI. Thou Shalt not Treat Thy Spouse Like a
One-Night-Stand. Both of you have been looking
forward to this reunion for a long time, treat each
other with love, consideration, & tenderness.
Intimacy is a wonderful thing, treat your spouse
with respect, compassion and kindness. Kindness and
respect go a long way toward re-kindling romance.
VII. Thou Shalt Compromise Thy Social Activities
for the 1st Few Weeks. You’ve made new friends
during the deployment and you’ll want to spend some
time with them afterwards, but don’t neglect
spending time alone with your family. Resist the
urge to spend the first few weeks home engaged in
social events that leave you exhausted and unable to
spend time with your spouse and children.
VIII. Thou Shalt Watch Thy Money. Some of
you’ve become rich on deployment and now you face
the temptation of celebrating your reunion by going
on a spending spree. Expensive new toys for you and
your children will quickly leave you ‘busted’ and
angry. Avoid overspending, buy only what you need.
If you charge more to your credit card than you can
pay off in a month, over time the interest will make
it just like buying the item twice.
IX. Thou Shalt Confess to a Chaplain. Some
of you may have sins that you need to confess. See a
Chaplain before you confess to your spouse
everything that you did on deployment. If you feel
guilty and need to confess your sins, go see a
chaplain, civilian clergy or counselor first then we
can meet with your spouse together.
X. Thou Shalt Give Thy Time, Talent, and Treasures
to Thy Family. During deployments many households
maintain separate bank accounts to manage the
finances, which can be a good idea. Don’t try to
change things too quickly. It may take months
before family finances begin to flow smoothly again.
If
Thou Practices Thy “10 Commandments Of Return
& Reunion”
Thou Shalt Have A Wonderful Return & Reunion!
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