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The PPDRDG Commission on Conundrums

Presents:  Dom Garcia or Diego Garcia?
You be the judge, then mystify your friends with this trivia at the next party at the Short Pier....
 


 
 

From: Steve Forsberg (survivor of the island supposedly called Diego Garcia)

Dear Mr. Morris,

        I thought you might be interested in a bit of my research that will forever change "trivia nights" on Diego Garcia. Did you know that the island probably got its name by mistake? No shit, and I'm not even drunk! A lot of details are lost in the mists of time, but here is the case:

        The island currently known as Diego Garcia was probably discovered in 1512 by a famous Portuguese captain named Pedro Mascarenhas. Early in that year he was sailing in an 'armada' (fleet) under the aegis of one Dom Garcia de Noronhas, who would later go on to be the Third Viceroy of India (1538-1542). At the time, Portuguese ships on their
way to India would round the Cape Horn and stick close to the coast of Africa on their way north. They would then head East across the Arabian Sea, sailing in between the Laccadive and Maldive islands to the Malabar coast of India. This was the "tried and true" method of getting to India. (I'll skip all the stuff about monsoon winds and finding latitude since todays sailors care not about such stuff :-) ).

       During this trip, however, the fleet apparently got word of problems in India. As usual, some uppity native (this time Adil Shah) was trying to kick the Portuguese out of Goa, and Albuquerqe (a famous Portuguese administrator) needed help. So , Pedro Mascarenhas had his ship detached to hurry to India, finding out if there was a faster route than simply following the African coastline northwards. Pedro sailed East into uncharted waters, and then North towards India.

      On the way he "discovered" (at least for the Europeans) a number of islands. The 'Mascarene' Islands, of course, are named after him, and he also apparently named the Chagos archipelago and Peros Banhos.

      But what about that lovely little island that would later become known as the "Footprint of Freedom"? Apparently, it was called "Dom Garcia", after Pedro's boss. That's right, "Dom", not "Diego". Indeed, on most maps from the 1500s the island is titled "Dom Garcia". For example Ortelius and Mercator had it called such.

        Where the heck did this "Diego" business come from? The first map I've been able to find with "Diego Garcia" (vice "Dom") is a 1599 chart of the world by Edward Wright. It is very possible that he made a mistake in copying off of Portuguese charts and that English maps  (increasingly in use) carried on the mistake. It was apparently common on
Portuguese charts to use abbreviations, so "I. de D. Garcia" may have been assumed to be 'Diego' instead of 'Dom'. While speculative, this mistake may have been further fueled by the fact that there was a famous Portuguese navigator/cartographer/instructor named Diego Garcia de Palacios at about the same timeframe. An English mapmaker, copying from a language he might not have known, might easily have assumed that the 'D.' stood for the "Diego" he knew, rather than the "Dom" he may never have heard of. (Diego Garcia de Palacios apparently never went to the East, but made trips to the Carribean/Central America).

        In short, the island appears to have been originally named "Dom Garcia" and was marked as such on maps until about 1600, when an English mapmaker called it "Diego Garcia" for reasons we can only estimate.

        There is a possibility that the island was known earlier to Arab navigators, or just perhaps to Cheng-Ho the famous 14th century Chinese sailor. I've yet to find anything concrete that far back, however.

regards,
Steven J Forsberg

 


The People's Revolutionary Revisionist Educational Cooperative Extention Council has Declared
that all citizens of the PPDRDG would be given a standardized test...

Test Rules:

1.  Do not attempt to answer questions while drunk.
2.  Do not scroll down to see the answer until you are absolutely, positively convinced you're too stupid to figure it out.
3.  RTFQ!  (read the fucking question!)



 

Test for Dementia / Alcohol Poisoning
 
Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately. OK?

Ready? GO!!!

The First Question
(remember, answer quickly)

You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in? (scroll down for the answer)
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 
 
 
 
 
 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!

The Second Question
(but don't take as much time as you took for the first question, OK?)

Second Question:  If you overtake the last person in that race, then you are...?  (scroll down)
 

 
 

 
 
 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?  You're not very good at this, are you?
 

Third Question:
Very tricky arithmetic! Note: This must be done in your head only.  Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator.


Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000 . Now add 30.  Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000 Now add 10. What is the total?  (Scroll down for answer)
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 

Did you get 5000?  The correct answer is actually 4100.  If you don't believe it, check it with a calculator!  Today is definitely not your day, is it?   Maybe you'll get the last question right.... ...Maybe.
 

Fourth Question:
Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?


 

























~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Did you Answer Nunu?  Of course, that is NOT the answer.  Her name is Mary.  Remember - RTFQ!
 
 

Okay, now the bonus round:

A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and! the purchase is done.  Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?
 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 

 

 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He just has to open his mouth and ask... It's really very simple..... Like you!

 


 
 SOBRIETY CHECK!
So you weren't thinking straight on the test above?
You'll know you've really had one too many if you can't pass this test.

 
Find the "C"

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO   OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO   OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO   OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO   OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO   OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOCOOOOOOOOOOO   OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO   OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO   OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO   OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Now, find the "6"

999999999999999999999999   999999999999999999999999
999999999999999999999999   999999999999999999999999
999999999999999999999999   999999999999999999999999
999999999999999999999999   999999999999999999999999
999999999999999999999999   999999999999999999999999
999999999999999999999999   999999999999999999999999
999999999999999999999999   999999999999999999999999
999999999999999999999999   999999999999999699999999
999999999999999999999999   999999999999999999999999

Finally, find the "N"

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM   MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM   MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMNMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM   MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM   MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM   MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM   MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM   MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM   MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM   MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM   MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM   MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
 

FOR YOUR MASTER'S DEGREE!
Which Citizen rides a bicycle?
Which Citizen drinks Straight Shots of Tequila?
Which Citizen has a donkey?

This is a real test.  In format, it's identical to the ones on the Quantitative section of the Graduate Record Exam.
Try it anyway!  It's fun.
Here are the clues, not necessarily in any particular order:

Five Citizens of the PPDRDG decide to build their own villiage.
There are Hermit Crabs all over the Overturned Boat.
Each Citizen has a different kind of pet (in defiance of the BIOT Code and Law).
CMC Prickly lives in a SEAHUT.
The Tent is in the most northern position in the new village.
One of the Quarters is an overturned boat at the east end of the new village.
The Overturned Boat is next to the Hammock that another lives in.
Every week, the smell of boiling Coconut Crab comes from the Tent.
The Coconut Crabs' owner lives northeast of the Citizen who drinks Tiger Beer.
Sweet Melissa lets her pet Hermit Crabs crawl everywhere, but they always hang around her quarters.
The Secret Russian Spy raises Coconut Crabs.
The Citizen who lives in the Sea Hut raises chickens.
The Quarters of the new village are arranged in a semicircle.
Royal Marine Quimby rides the bus everywhere.
A Citizen who lives next to The Secret Russian Spy drives a Pickup Truck.
CMC Prickly lives at the West end of the new village.
The Citizen who lives in the tent also drinks Johnny Walker Black.
A1C Dudley, USAF, is a wuss who likes Boat Drinks.
Each Citizen drinks a different kind of booze.
The Citizen who drinks Tiger Beer raises cats.
The person who keeps cats lives next door to the Quarters with the Moonshine still.
CMC Prickly lives next to the Citizen in the Single Room Shack.
The Citizen who walks everywhere lives under the Boat.
Each Citizen lives in their own, unique kind of “Quarters”.
Royal Marine Quimby lives next to CMC Prickly.
The Captain’s Stolen Staff Car is parked in front of the Tent.
Each Citizen has a different way of Getting Around the Republic.
SCROLL DOWN FOR THE ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION, AND TO CONTINUE THE TEST...



 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Answers:

Royal Marine Quimby likes little kittens, drinks Tiger Beer, built himself a single room shack (for him and his kittens) on the northwest edge of the village, and rides the bus (since the other RMs wouldn’t be caught dead in the same truck with him).

The Secret Russian Spy keeps Coconut Crabs for pets (and eats them, when they grow big enough), and lives in a tent at the north end of the village and rides around in the Staff Car he stole from the Captain (who’s been compromised by their homosexual relationship and won’t try to get the car back).

CMC Prickly keeps Chickens, drinks Moonshine he brews himself, lives in the SEAHUT at the West end of the village and rides a bicycle everywhere (one too many DWIs with all that Moonshine, but, he’s close to retirement, so….)

Sweet Melissa loves to watch her Hermit Crabs swap shells while she’s putting away straight shots of Tequila until she passes out under the boat at the east end of the village.  She walks off the drunk every morning (and mid-morning, lunchtime, afternoon, etc., etc.,….)

A1C Dudley, USAF, has a pet donkey, since his neighbor, Sweet Melissa won't let him under the boat.  But he loves her, and orders Boat Drinks whenever he sneaks into the Acey-Duecy Club, lives in a hammock on the northeast end of the village, and drives around in a pickup truck, issued to him (as one is to every Air Force airman on the island) immediately on his arrival (he flew in first class on the freedom bird).


Well, did you get the right answers?  Or did you cheat?

GED-LEVEL TEST QUESTION:


You are driving in a car at a constant speed.   On your left side is a drop off (The ground is 18-20 inches below the level you are traveling on), and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping horse which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you  is another galloping horse.  Both horses are also traveling at the same  speed as you. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous  situation?

For the  answer, SCROLL DOWN
 
 





























ANSWER:  Get your  drunk ass off the merry-go-round.



 
SPECIAL TEST QUESTION:

ARE YOU A BOY OR A GIRL?
(LOOK DOWN...)
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I SAID "LOOK" DOWN, NOT SCROLL DOWN!
 


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