Not every battle in the GWOT involves fanatical Muslims.  Sometimes, it becomes necessary to resolve conflicts with your brothers and sisters in arms.  The following was received from "Stretch" a B-52 Crew Dog (name withheld to protect his identity) as proof positive that shit happens.  It was received by the PROPEOPDEMREP Ministry of Propaganda in typical Pentagon Format (Power Point) and has been modified to fit these pages...

"Good rivalry between the Bomber guys and the Navy personal occured on the Isle between Sept 05-Jan 06.  We (Bombers guys) had a buffoon award, a pair of Coconuts lashed together, that was handed to the idgit of the week every Friday at the O'club.  A Navy Ensign decided she would take them home one day as recoupment for items taken by the Bomber guys before us...... and the following actions ensued..."
 

SLIDE 1 (TEXT ONLY):  Wing Attack Plan Romeo

SLIDE 2 (TEXT ONLY):  OVERVIEW

Commander's Intent

Package Assets

Objectives

The Attack

Results

Summary

SLIDE 3 (TEXT ONLY):  COMMANDER'S INTENT

To increase Esprit de Corps through interdiction and personal humiliation of our Navy adveraries

Recover the "Devil's Nuts" immediately

Use the words Seaman and Swab as often as humanly possible

SLIDE 4 (TEXT ONLY):  PACKAGE ASSETS

Extraction Team

Infiltration Team

PSYOPS Specialist

CCD Task Force

SLIDE 5 (TEXT ONLY):  OBJECTIVES

Secure the Navy Anchor

Infiltrate the NSF facility

Secure all Toilet Paper and Paper Towels

Place Olfactory Flares in Drop Ceiling

Establish an new "CHAIN OF COMMAND"

Operation DENY SLEEP on the XO

SLIDE 14 (TEXT ONLY):  RESULTS

• Secure the Navy Achor                         ::  COMPLETE
• Infiltrate the NSF facility                        ::  COMPLETE
• Secure all Toilet Paper                         ::  COMPLETE
• Place Olfactory Countermeasures        ::  COMPLETE
• Establish "CHAIN OF COMMAND        ::  COMPLETE
• Operation DENY SLEEP on the XO     ::  COMPLETE


SLIDE 15 (TEXT ONLY):  SUMMARY

• All Mission Objectives 100%
• Ransom note will follow with demands for immediate return of the "Nuts"
• Responsible parties have been contacted
• If no further action is taken, Phase Two of Attack Plan Romeo will commence


SLIDE 16 (TEXT ONLY):  CONCLUSION

• Commander's Intent
• Package Assets
• Objectives
• The Attack
• Results
• Summary


SLIDE 17 (TEXT ONLY):  RED DEVILS - FIRST TO BOMB!!!

SLIDE 18 (TEXT ONLY):  RANSOM
 

• Ahoy Semen!
Thanks for your recent love note.  You have received no reply from us because we do not normally negotiate with terrorists.  However, through several mitigations we have decided to give you an opportunity to step up to the challenge.  Please return our stolen coconuts.

In your correspondence, you made note of many things, such as how mysterious you are, how we would never know your identity, and how you take care of us on a regular basis.  Well, despite the fact that we eat chow within six feet of some of you, despite the fact that you included a picture of one of your thieves in the photographs, and despite the fact that unselfish inter-service cooperation has been a factor in military existence since 1779, you had several intersting points.

One of these fascinating observations was the fact that we started this friendly exchange of stealing property, as in the case of your Butthead Man.  Far be it from us to correct the people that provide us with everything that sustains our life, but that was taken far before our current squadron arrived on the island.  Another great tidbit was the deman to fork over $65 worth of alcohol for $10 worth of coconuts.  If it were up to some of us, we would have bought the booze for ourselves and freamed the ensuing pictures of destruction next to the ridiculous e-mail in our bar.  We especially love the photograph of the bald, mustachioed, and very mysterious man holding the coconuts in front of the naval facility.  We call him Captain Smiley.

Sadly the Devil needs his Nuts, he will not return home without them.  We shall not rest until the coconuts are back in our possession.  The stipulations for the exchange have been discussed at a higher level and we have eagerly tried to meet your demands.
 

• After a lengthy negotiation with the See Bee we were instructed to change our roll call time to accommodate your release of the Nuts.  This is totally unacceptable we have agreed to your terms and have made several attempts to pay this ransom.  We have exhausted all avenues of diplomacy, and you have forced our hand.  We speak with no uncertainty that just like armies of Vietnam, Kosovo, Afghanistan and Iraq you have no earthly idea who you are dealing with.  The bomb is definitely stronger than the boat.  Do not force us to employ the Mighty B-52 on you.  Please for your own safety return the nuts post haste.

 

 
 
 

In closing, avast ye hearty mateys, and swab those decks with pride.

Sweepers, sweepers, man the brooms!
 

• You will find your anchor here

4)  Elev 10'
5)  41R QQ 704452 89381
6)  1100' x 600'
7)  50 km to the south