Not every battle in the GWOT involves fanatical Muslims. Sometimes, it becomes necessary to resolve conflicts with your brothers and sisters in arms. The following was received from "Stretch" a B-52 Crew Dog (name withheld to protect his identity) as proof positive that shit happens. It was received by the PROPEOPDEMREP Ministry of Propaganda in typical Pentagon Format (Power Point) and has been modified to fit these pages...
"Good rivalry between the Bomber guys and the Navy personal occured on the Isle between Sept 05-Jan 06. We (Bombers guys) had a buffoon award, a pair of Coconuts lashed together, that was handed to the idgit of the week every Friday at the O'club. A Navy Ensign decided she would take them home one day as recoupment for items taken by the Bomber guys before us...... and the following actions ensued..."
SLIDE 1 (TEXT ONLY): Wing Attack Plan Romeo
SLIDE 2 (TEXT ONLY): OVERVIEWSLIDE 3 (TEXT ONLY): COMMANDER'S INTENT
Commander's Intent Package Assets Objectives The Attack Results SummarySLIDE 4 (TEXT ONLY): PACKAGE ASSETS To increase Esprit de Corps through interdiction and personal humiliation of our Navy adveraries Recover the "Devil's Nuts" immediately Use the words Seaman and Swab as often as humanly possibleSLIDE 5 (TEXT ONLY): OBJECTIVES Extraction Team Infiltration Team PSYOPS Specialist CCD Task Force Secure the Navy Anchor Infiltrate the NSF facility Secure all Toilet Paper and Paper Towels Place Olfactory Flares in Drop Ceiling Establish an new "CHAIN OF COMMAND" Operation DENY SLEEP on the XO
SLIDE 14 (TEXT ONLY): RESULTS
SLIDE 15 (TEXT ONLY): SUMMARY
SLIDE 16 (TEXT ONLY): CONCLUSION
SLIDE 17 (TEXT ONLY): RED DEVILS - FIRST TO BOMB!!!
18 (TEXT ONLY): RANSOM
In your correspondence, you made note of many things, such as how mysterious you are, how we would never know your identity, and how you take care of us on a regular basis. Well, despite the fact that we eat chow within six feet of some of you, despite the fact that you included a picture of one of your thieves in the photographs, and despite the fact that unselfish inter-service cooperation has been a factor in military existence since 1779, you had several intersting points.
One of these fascinating observations was the fact that we started this friendly exchange of stealing property, as in the case of your Butthead Man. Far be it from us to correct the people that provide us with everything that sustains our life, but that was taken far before our current squadron arrived on the island. Another great tidbit was the deman to fork over $65 worth of alcohol for $10 worth of coconuts. If it were up to some of us, we would have bought the booze for ourselves and freamed the ensuing pictures of destruction next to the ridiculous e-mail in our bar. We especially love the photograph of the bald, mustachioed, and very mysterious man holding the coconuts in front of the naval facility. We call him Captain Smiley.
the Devil needs his Nuts, he will not return home without them. We
shall not rest until the coconuts are back in our possession. The
stipulations for the exchange have been discussed at a higher level and
we have eagerly tried to meet your demands.
In closing, avast ye hearty mateys, and swab those decks with pride.
sweepers, man the brooms!
GO AIR FORCE! FOR EVER AND EVER!
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This, and everything else I write and every photo I produce is copyrighted by Ted A. Morris, Jr.