What Have They Ever Done For Us?

Those Imperialist, Colonial Oppressors!

R: We get in through the underground heating system here ... up through to the main audience chamber here ... and Pilate's wife's bedroom is here. Having grabbed his wife, we inform Pilate that she is in our custody and forthwith issue our demands. Any questions?

X : What exactly are the demands?

R : We're giving Pilate two days to dismantle the entire apparatus of the Roman Imperialist State and if he doesn't agree immediately we execute her.

R: They've bled us white, the bastards. They've taken everything we had, not just from us, from our fathers and from our fathers' fathers.

S : And from our fathers' fathers' fathers.

R: Yes.

S: And from our fathers' fathers' fathers' fathers.

R: All right, Stan. Don't labour the point. And what have they ever given us IN RETURN? (he pauses smugly)

X: The aqueduct?

R: What?

X: The aqueduct.

R: Oh yeah, yeah they gave us that. Yeah. That's true.

MC: And the sanitation!

S: Oh yes ... sanitation, Reg, you remember what the city used to be like.

R: All right, I'll grant you that the aqueduct and the sanitation are two things that the Romans HAVE done ...

M: And the roads ...

R: (sharply) Well YES OBVIOUSLY the roads ... the roads go without saying. But apart from the aqueduct, the sanitation and the roads ...

MC : Irrigation ...

O: Medicine ... Education ... Health

R: Yes ... all right, fair enough ...

MC : And the wine ...

ALL : Oh yes! True!

F: Yeah. That's something we'd really miss if the Romans left, Reg.

MC: Public baths!

S : AND it's safe to walk in the streets at night now.

F: Yes, they certainly know how to keep order ... (general nodding) ... let's face it, they're the only ones who could in a place like this. (more general murmurs of agreement)

R: All right ... all right ... but apart from better sanitation and medicine and education and irrigation and public health and roads and a freshwater system and baths and public order ... what HAVE the Romans ever done for US?

X: Brought peace!

Monty Python

The Life of Brian