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The PROPEOPDEMREP's Minister of Quibbling Asks:
Who Really Owns Diego Garcia?
Yes, you've read all about the lawsuits in British Court. You've heard all about Mauritius' "territorial claims". You've been told that "possession is 90% of the law" and figure that the U.S. Navy owns the island. Well, read on - there are a LOT of truely international claimants to our favorite atoll.
As all will know, I come from the finest Irish stock. My ancestor, great-great-great-great-and-to-be-sure-to-be-sure-great-again-grandfather, Mick O'Shovel (of Clan O'Spade but let's not quibble about calling O'Shovel, O'Spade) was a great fisherman. Often he would climb aboard his corricle early in the morning and set sail that night down the River Sniffy in the hope of catching 'last-orders' but one morning (around dinner-time) he misjudged the tide and some months later landed up on a tropical island that was, much to his surprise, located offshore and in the sea. Stepping ashore, Mick swam three miles and claimed this island for himself and his three-hundred kids and named it 'Ah Gowan Gowan You Will You Will' (Gaelic for 'lovely buttered spuds' and as chance would have it, also 'Diago Garcia'). Not one for missing an opportunity, Mick hastily wrote (with a simple 'x' but we his family know exactly what he meant) his territorial claim on the back of his last bar-tab, bunged it into an empty Guinness flagon and hurled it landward in the hope that it would fetch up on his native shores, which by merry chance it did (just last Monday, in fact). Mick was sadly never heard of again and thus we do not know what was the last thing that went through his mind, but we suspect it was a falling coconut!
Anyway, I thus claim Diego Garcia, the Chagos and Clapham Common as my rightful inheritance, and look forward to someone finally compensating my family by paying off Mick's bar-tab, which amounts to three-farthings and a promise to no longer molest the inn-keeper's cow. Whilst his ancestors have made good some of the farthings owed (five and counting), we are still way short of resolving our genetically inherited propensities in the bovine department.
My name is Fu Man Chow and my Honourable Ancestor whose bones I turn every November sailed under the great Chinese Admiral Cheng-ho seven times between 1405 and 1433 to Indian Ocean and visited East Africa (Mo-ku-ta-shu), Arabia Shih-ta now called Jidda and on one trip between Hsi-Lan (now Sri Lanka) visited Maldives and Chagos (Cha -go) archipelago. Great Admiral give my ancestor island of Di-e-go for all time.
Confucius say "Man first sight palm tree get coconut on head." (Confucius also say "Virginity like balloon. One prick and gone.")
My name is Abdul-Hakim Azzam Mukhtar Rais Zaki bin Wafiq bin Thabit bin Shakir bin Nawfal which is old Arabic for "the Sea".
An ancestor of mine, Ibrahim, took Ibn Battutah who married in the Maldives on the second of Shawwal (17 February 1344) from Muluk which is near the southern end of that archipelago south to the Chagos which was uninhabited. As Qadi in the Maldives Ibn Battutah took possession of the southernmost and largest island in the name of Allah for Sultan Shibab al-Din and then presented it to my ancestor for his skill in navigation and on return the Sultan confirmed my inheritance in perpetuity. Later claims by Chinese, Portuguese, French and of all infidels Mauritians have no validity but during the last century the Sultan of the Maldives sought protection from the British government and in return conceded sovereignty but retaining the right to ownership of my ancestors and descendents and thus me, Nawfal.
From: “Le Miere”.
My family surname is Le Miere and on the basis of information collected from the Registrar General’s department and researches made at the Government Mauritian National Archives, it looks clearly that we are up to date the ONLY Mauritian family with a Clear and Full Land Title Deeds over the outer islands of Chagos for my ancestor, namely Joseph Hippolyte Le Miere. He was given a concession document for eight islands in the Chagos Archipelagos, dependencies of Mauritius by the hand of the then late Governor Sir Henry Barclay, in the name of The Sovereign Queen Victoria, Queen of Ireland, Great Britain and other Realms Territories for EVER AND EVER to heirs and ascents.
For your info: Honourable Joseph Hippolyte Le Miere was the first member of the General population to enter the Colonial Legislative Assembly and was nominated under Stevenson, Consul for Madagascar.
He was the one who initiated the Societe Huilerie de Chagos and Peros who changed named into Chagos Agalega Company ltd. His son Alcide Hippolyte Le Miere married Eudoxie Mazery, daughter of Leonidas Mazery (son of Louis Victor Mazery, the Owner of Minni-Minni, the coconut plantations on Diego island.
The Mauritian Government received an agreed GBP 3 million for Mauritius’ loss of the islands pre-independence, and readily agreed to accept for the displaced islanders for GBP 650,000, and in 1965, the Queen Elizabeth the Second passed an order in Council detaching the Chagos Islands from Mauritius and constituting a new colony: The British Indian Ocean Territory. Its governor and legislature was to be the Commissioner for BIOT.
The next step was 1967 ,a compulsory purchase to acquire the freehold of the islands from the plantation company Chagos Agalega limited for something like GBP 750,000.
Please, allow me to put some simple questions:
1. How come the Crown under the Sovereign of Queen Elizabeth the Second can take back the gift given for Ever and Ever to Joseph Hippolyte Le Miere by the then Queen Victoria?
2. Is a plantation administrator with Rogers Company Ltd., as Agent, fully authorize to sell and signed, not in the presence of the land lord tenant/heirs?
3.Who will compensate my family and heirs?
Do await a quick reply from yours and thank you for your full commitment and valuable support.
From: "de Lisboa".
My name is
Rodrigo-Diogo Martinho Zeferino Eloi
Breixo Pascoal de Lisboa - my friends
call me Rui. Diogo is the
Portuguese same as the Spanish Diego
which was used interchangeably on the
Spanish/Portuguese border in the
1500s. It was my ancestor Diego in the
crows nest who first sighted what is
today called Diego Garcia.
The Captain Garcia named the island after me. When we landed the Captain decided that the island was of little value and anyhow he was trying to get to Cochin and frankly didn't want to be within a hundred miles of Chagos. He therefore gave the island to me and all my descendants for ever and ever and ever which is a lot longer that some poxy Mauritian Frenchie called La Merde.
Portugal and England have been allies for nearly 500 years so I am happy that the government of Queen Elizabeth administers the island even if said government is a bunch of wankers. I do not want the bother of administrating the island and anyhow can't afford to do so. Please therefore continue but when the UK/US Treaty comes up for renewal discussion which must be soon now, I suggest you charge the Americans a lot of money and put it towards conservation so that my descendants can fish the underwater atolls in the next century.
Can You Own A Piece of the
you have to do is send me your
claim! Check out some of the claims
above for ideas. By the way, some of
those claims are actual submissions to
HMG! Anyway, be creative and send
your submission to me!
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