Basically, we are an disorganized bunch of independent thinkers who decided we actually liked our time on Diego Garcia, Chagos Archepelago, British Indian Ocean Territory.  Most of us went there involuntarily, and learned only after our arrival, or even after our departure, that Diego Garcia was, literally, paradise.  That is, if you could stand 60 hour work weeks, commanders who were sent to the ends of the earth to get them away from important things they might screw up, never being able to leave a military base (the whole place is one big Navy base), separation from your family, having to wait weeks to catch a space-A flight back to the world, no women (early days) or not enough women (later days) or too many horn dogs hustling you (women), and a thousand other bad things about the place, your work, and your life.

But the card carrying members of the PPDRDG also remember stepping out of your Q and onto the beach, $5 cases of beer, free movies, $80/day deep sea fishing charters, perfect weather, snorkeling with sea turtles, watching the heaviest rain anywhere from the shelter of a bus stop bench, endless parties all weekend long, all night softball games, tuna steaks 2" thick and 12" across, Bob Hope USO tours, seeing things you can't see anywhere else, and feeling like what you did there made a difference to somebody, somehow.

However, we also are pretty irreverent when it comes to the icons of the service.  We knew we got stuck, took enough shit from local big-wigs, and weren't in any mood to take any bullshit from some REMF back in the PI, Japan, Hawaii, or the States.  Therefore, you won't find a whole lot  of senior officers as members, because they did care about that stuff.  One important thing to remember is that the military is pretty much disinclined to laugh at itself - but members of the PPDRDG will.  Laugh at the military, the government, the enemy, our friends, and ourselves!

One dark and stormy night, sometime in 1987, a bunch of the above mentioned free thinkers were sitting around the Brit Club, gutter hugging drunk, eating pasties, and hoping some girls (a girl, any girl, a guy dressed like a girl, anything) would come in.  Nothing was happening, so we let our minds wander, and thought how cool it would be to be able to start our own little country on some splendid little paradise.  Well, there was no way the British Empire and the US Navy were going to give us DG, and although we were somewhat rowdy, we weren't true revolutionaries.  So we decided to create our own little underground organization, dedicated to the enjoyment of DGAR, and perpetuation of its memory.  We dreamed up all sorts of stuff, like place names and an island history, all of which were heavy with inside jokes, which don't mean a hill of beans to anybody anymore.  Even our name comes from those days - when the enemies of our countries typically had names like "The People's Democratic Republic of......[South Yemen, North Korea, China, Viet Nam, Albania, etc., pick one or all]".  One of the PPDRDG's early goals was to charge the Brits and American's rent for the land upon which their facilities sat, but our letters went unanswered (could have had something to do with not putting a return address on them).

I think our real goal was to live the DG lifestyle forever.  And we knew our time on Dodge was finite - you can't get there from here after they ship you out.  It doesn't matter if you are a squid, a crew dog, merchant mariner, or a Chagossian native.  The sad thing is that we'll never get to go back before the place is laid to waste.  The Brits and USN are doing their best to keep the island a true tropical paradise, but someday, the Americans and Brits will leave, and a swarm of rapacious other-worlders will come in, seine net all the tuna, ship all the sea cucumbers to Sri Lanka to be cooked by street vendors, ship the last piece of coral to collectors in Hong Kong & the UAE, cut down the jungle to build their shanties, burn the last palm log to cook the last sea turtle, eat the last booby egg, drain the freshwater lenses dry, and then whine for foreign aid.

And paradise will be lost.

Anyway, we all eventually drifted away after our tour was up, and on to bigger, and sometimes smaller, things.  When I discovered the internet, I knew it was the medium to try to recapture that old feeling about DG, and so that's why I started this web site, and named it after our little fantasy on Fantasy Island.

Can You Join Us?

 All you have to do is think something like the people who are listed on this page, or on the Warstories pages.
You don't have to have ever been there; in fact, if you were there and absolutely hated it, why, that's o.k., too!
Just kick back and imagine paradise with an ocean view.

The easiest way to join is send me an email!  There are no forms to fill out, nothing to sign.  If you would rather fill out a form,
go to the Warstory Entry Form page - it's painless and you can write as much as you want... 

Of course, you can be a "secret" member just by surfing the rest of the pages on this site, and pretending you're there.

Before proceeding further, though, you should read the
PPDRDG DEPARTMENT OF PSYCHOSOMATIC DISEASES OFFICIAL
GOVERNMENT WARNING!
PPDRDG Fever can cause severe delusions.

For example, the Provisional Government, in the throes of THE FEVER after a hard night at the DGYC, established a religion, and declared two PATRON SAINTS OF THE REPUBLIC.  Judge for yourselves the terrible consequences!
  

(apologies to Firesign Theater)

The Current Cabinet of the
Provisional Government of the PPDRDG
(generally, in order of the date of their arrival in the Republic, with unknown arrivals, and wannabes listed afterwards)

Want a good Government Job?  Just email me with the title you'd prefer, along with some short autobiographical information, and I'll consult myself and decide if you get listed here too!

KNOWN VISA HOLDERS

CONTROLLER OF CLEANSER CHEMICAL CONTROL
Randall Hazard [thehazardousdawg@yahoo.com]
I was on the rock from 73 to 74. abh airman worked at air op crash and salvage. Never forget watchiing the streach 8 taking off loaded with cb's. It clipped the palm trees on take off! Really thought i'd have to do my job that day! But never had to do my job other wise! I would like to apply for the cleanser chemical control. I was a about to leave the island. But the constant drug inspection was so often couldn't enjoy any free time. So as a joke I placed little piles of zuds and razor blades and straws laying around. They thought they had the head dealer! I was immediatly placed on "house arrest" and "could not leave the base" ??? It's an island where could I go! Well the evidence had to be sent out to find what it was. After a week they said just "admit it was heroin and you can go home!" Nope, wasn't going to do that! So waited longer for results to come back. Mean while I started to get noticed and a movement started "to free the joker" there was
a few signs in barracks window "free the joker!" After about a month of extended time on the rock it came back zuds cleanser and I was free to go. Only regret was the timing. I see there is a nhra offical. I would like to also apply for minister of the ahra. As every morning when checking out the mb1 crash trucks there would be a drag race down and back on runway me and #1 was usually the winner.

OFFICIAL HIGH HOLINESS OF MYTH DEBUNKING AND OTHER SORTED AND SUNDRY COMMUNICATIONS, MAKETONE, REPAIRETH, AND MAINTAINETH.
Deena Self <samdog55@me.com>
Her high holiness the retired electronic technician 1st Class now Licensed Mental Health Counselor of the Official Debunking of Irrational Beliefs.  Pinpanicus.

RADIO COMMUNICATIONS CZAR AND FREQUENTLY FREQUENCY DECONFLICTER FOR THE DEPARTMENT OF BLACK BOXES
Robert Morales <wp4bqv@gmail.com> (asylum officially granted on 1 Nov 12)
Whenever you need Rats for your Range, Robert is the Range Rat to Call!  He's proven his mettle no fewer than eight - yes that is more than seven - on the Range on DG.  So call for Robert's Range Rats www.RangeRats.net!

SUPREME ALLIED SURGEON GENERAL OF DIEGO GARCIA AND THE REVERED MEDICAL ADVISOR OF THE QUEEN (ER) AND HER SUBJECTS ON THE ISLAND
David C. Kleinberg, M.D. <icu4dzss@aol.com>
Or words to that effect... I only went to the Brit club once cause there were some hot female Brit cops there that night...

CHIEF OF EXILES
Larry Oshins bang@ufl.edu
I am applying for the position of Chief of Exiles.  I made it around the world, into the lagoon, but not off the boat.  We never called again while I was aboard so my one fleeting glimpse back in '86 was all I got. (SEE his 1986 warstory for a full explanation!)

CHIEF OF POLICE
Todd Craft <todd_craft@hotmail.com>
I would like to apply for the Job of Chief of Police. I figured it might be the only way I'll ever get to bomb around in a Land Rover Defender. I would also consider the position of Witch Doctor, since I am ordained (okay so I got it online, so what) I figured I would be qualified to represent the spiritual needs of our flock and preach the teachings of Groucho and John. I have been in Canada's Navy since 1996 and served in her Army before that starting in 1988. I set foot on Diego Garcia in 2005 when my ship HMCS Winnipeg, stopped by for fuel and a little R&R. I have been trying to convince the powers that be to send me back to DG ever since.
I sincerly Hope you grant my application
Todd J Craft
"Shellbacks for ever!!!" 

GENERAL GOOF-OFF
Barry West <chuckufarley2a@yahoo.com>
I served time on the Rock, and would like to take this opportunity to join your gov't.  A nice cushy job, doing almost nothing, daily sounds like just the right thing for me. Spent 18 years in the USN, now I want to take a cruise where somebody ELSE has to do all the work.  Carriers, while smoother sailing, are still not Royal Carribean cruise ships.

FIRE MARSHALL EMERITUS
Fred Tambellini [ftambellini@seavin.com.eg]
Hi Ted,
Been a long while.  I am working in Cairo,Egypt.  I would like to be appointed as the Fire Marshal Emeritus for DG.  I will faithfully serve in this position.  I look for your reply soon.  Take care.
Fred Tambellini
Program Manager Fire Protection
 

MINISTER OF PROPAGANDA & AIRWAVE DEPRAVITY
Scott Kaminski [mystarseed@yahoo.com]
I would like to earnestly reply for the post of Minister of Propaganda & Airwave Depravity. I was stationed on the Rock from May 1995 to August 1996 at the Naval Broadcasting Station (which was then eloquently renamed "Naval Media Center Broadcast Detachment" during my term there). I was a radio DJ, TV news anchor and sometime host of FMTV, the island's video music show.
     I have incredibly fond memories of my time on the island, including raising money for our Radiothon charity promotion by hanging out on top of the broadcast det building and belittling people as they walked or drove by who wouldn't donate, being taken to task for writing a producing a commercial advertising Radiothon that was yanked by the island medical staff because it was too close to the death of CNO Mike Boorda (in the spot I was happy that my song was on the air and so distraught after it was "bumped" off the air by someone who requested Van Halen's "Jump" that I threw myself off the building) and various other interesting misdeeds -- making it appear as though I blew up a C-130 on TV, and so on and so on.
     DG was easily the most beautiful place I will ever live. If anyone from my days there would like to contact me, I can be reached at mystarseed@yahoo.com.  Thanks!  Scott Kaminski Former JO3
 

COMMISSIONER OF NEVER SAY NEVER AGAIN
Roger Hanthorn [roger-tess@hanthorn.com]
I was stationed in Diego From April 77 To April 78. I was an RM2 and worked in Tech Control at R-Site. I Spent 4 months moored in the the lagoon on the USS Proteus May to Aug 1984. I retired in 1990 and worked for the State of Oregon for 18 years. This job opportunity came up about 8 months ago. I applied and got the job. When I got my clearance back in Feb 08 my boss calls me and says "Pack you bags your going to Diego Garcia." So here I am again back in paradise. Be careful what you say you might just get it. Lots more buildings now and communications with home are easier and being a civilian helps but it is still the same place. I liked it when I was stationed here and in 1984 when I was here. It is 2008 and I still like the place. Some things never change.
Roger A Hanthorn
DYN-Marine Services
Squadron Communicator
Compsron Two

THE DONKEY BURGER KING
The Rick <therick74dg@yahoo.com>
" DAMN! THAT PLACE!!! "
I did two tours there back to back, 9mo. each!  First with a detachment NMCB 74, then with the main body.  1976 - 1977 then AGAIN! 1977 - 1978
I want to be DIEGO BURGER, KING!  WITH ARCH PALM TREES... if it still exist? If not REBUILD! and open all night! with donkey walk thru.  Diego, is that place still under the same management?
" DAMN! THAT PLACE!!! "
 

 Hereditary High NoblePerson of Diego Garcia
Jean Marie Chelin <fred1@intnet.mu>
Decendent of the Ancient Ones
     My grandfather Frederic Gendron, a born Seychellois, was the Administrator of Diego Garcia between 1930 and 1940.  He died in Mauritius in 1941.  My mother was born in the islands in 1932.
Best regards
Jean Marie Chelin
Allee des Flamboyants
Carlos
Tamarin
Mauritius

COMMISSIONER OF STREET AND HIGHWAYS
Jack Alexander <jackandkristine@cox.net>
1971 - 1972; NMCB 1
     I was there from November, 1971 to July, 1972. A Seabee with NMCB ONE. I was an E-4 Engineering Aid working with the soils and concrete lab. We did all of the testing for the roads, runways and every concrete pour.
     I was wondering of the tree house was still there? Down the beach towards the gun emplacement. I’m thinking you probably need a Commissioner of Streets and Highways. It was not a whole lot of fun when I was there, extreme temperatures and millions of flies, not enough fresh water to shower and rinse both. We did watch “A Man Called Horse” for 14 nights in a row at our breezy outdoor theater, and drank all of the free formaldehyde beer we could load up. We also had the original “Electric Hot Dog” you could get one 24 hours a day courtesy of the Electricians. (two nails hooked up to 110 and throw the switch)(it did not take long)
    Still, I do have a lot of fond memories of the people I served with.
Jack W. Alexander
jackandkristine@cox.net

The Minister of Earliest Memories
TOM SCOTT <tscott084@hotmail.com>
1971; US Navy, MCB 40
Tom was in the original invasion party!  This was so long ago, Nixon was President, and Viet Nam was still a war....

EL JEFE GUAPO
peter roberts <toom01@btinternet.com>
1971; Fly-Byer
Dear Sir, I flew over Diego Garcia (San Juan) in 1971 - you guys were just building it then.  Some of you were swimming - there were Sharks between you and the beach - we waggled our wings and gesticulated in all kinds of fashions but you just waved and carried on.  I never heard a word about a Shark Attack, guess even Sharks are piccy about who they eat!  When we returned to Base we checked!  We flew over Regularly. In those far-flung days of yesteryear we used an Aircraft that, even today with all the Hi-Tech equipment on board, can not compare. Our mission was Medium Range Bombing from a Missile launching Platform, Search and Rescue, Strategic Reconaissance, Long range Interdiction, where necessary, Photo Recce - there are no Greater Enemies than Friends -, Very Long range Maritime Patrol and at the end of the day Nuclear Attack.  We had the capability to perform all these tasks.  Wot a Bird! I claim LEADERSHIP of DIEGO and in a Totally Democratic way-if I Do Not Get It-I will give in,as long as you Promise to look after it! Kind regards,
A Prospective Politician.

Minister of Government Construction
Mike "Mr. Sniper" <mrea46@hotmail.com>
1971 - 1972; NMCB 5 and NMCB 10
I would like to apply for the position of Minister of Government Construction.  Afterall I was on DG  with NMCB-5 and again with NMCB-10 [very early - 71/'72].  I was a Builder Chief.  My crews erected the Generator Bldg on the south end of the island. The VORTAC bldg.  The fuel Pier and the runway.  Went down with detachments dates may be fuzzy, I am an old fart and it was a long time ago..  Went first with a detatchment and then twice with the battalions. I do know we had to build our own hootches in order to have a place to live while we worked.

Chairman of the Antiquities Department
DR. CARL "VIDGE" VILLANUEVA <cvillanu@mcla.mass.edu>
1972 - 1973; Air Ops/Crash Crew
I wish to apply for the position of "Minister of Antiquities".  I already have a modest collection of Diego Garcia memorabilia (both traditional and offbeat), but I would be happy to serve as conservator for donated items. The concept is to establish an exclusive collection of artifacts which will preserve Diego Garcia's distinguished heritage.
In Your Service,
Carl 'Vidge' Villanueva, 1972-73, ABH2, Air Ops/Crash Crew
Now, Director of Media Services, Massachusetts College of Liberal Arts, 375 Church Street, North Adams, Massachusetts 01247, (413) 662-2481, Mon-Fri, 8am-4:15pm, CLOSED WEEKENDS

Minister of Coleman Lanterns
CHARLIE COLLINS <xph2@swbell.net>
1972 - 1973; Fuel Farm
     I was on DG from 8/72 to 8/73 and was a ABF3 at the Fuel Farm. I was not aware of all the changes there have been till I saw your site. It's been so long since I really tried to think of people I knew there that I can't think of a single name of anyone at the Farm. When I left in '73 I changed rate from ABF to PH through the SCORE program. I was attached to Combat Camera Group in Norfolk, Va. till I got out.   I see you have Minister of Secret Police so if you need a Minister of Coleman Lantern's (I work for the Coleman Co. in Wichita, KS in the Security Dept.) I'll take the position.

COMMANDANT OF RADIO REINDEER
HOWARD HENZE <bchhenze@bellsouth.net>
1972; Radio Raindeer
Hi,
I've declared myself as Comandant of Radio Reindeer since no one else seemed to want that title.
     I'd like to talk to other guys who remember the radio station and maybe some of the stuff we pulled on the air. I have several hours of my own radio shows and the complete recording of the Bob Hope Show, such as it is. If there's anyone out there who remembers Mrs. Hope's (Delores) rendition of White Christmas, finishing with "...may all your Christmases be HOME". who didn't end that show crying, I don't need to talk to you...
     A few things: the radio station had a lot of fun at others expense. There was "Hover craft" advertisements. These referred to our distinguished deputy commander. There were also "Bruce the Fierce" movie reviews that went without saying. No one ever bothered me about these things meaning that they 1) didn't listen, or 2) didn't get it.
     The radio was a lot of fun for those of us who did it..... S"Advertisements', slogans, features and all...If anyone remembers, let me know

ISLAND ENTERTAINMENT LIAISON OFFICER
"Mike Villierme" <javillierm@ardennet.com>
1974 - 1975; NMCB 10
Hi, my name is Mike Villiereme, I was a CM3, briefly an EM3, then again a CM3, then briefly a SW3 while on the rock 74-75 with MCB 10, Echo Company...MCB 10 was most notably the hardhat battalion...this did not keep it from being disbanded in 1975...I would like to be island entertainment laison officer...if that position is not availble, palm frond patrol was not bad duty...each afternoon while on garbage detail, we swept the beach in front of the O quarters...sounds subservient but it kept me from mess hall duty...GREAT SITE!

SUPREME GOVERNMENT MASTER DONKEY WRANGLER
Paul McQuaid <mcquaid54@sbcglobal.net>
I want to sum met this as a application for the government job. On Diego Garcia as.
1974 - 1975 US NAVY    SEEBEES  MCB 10
I was in Bravo Co. we did maintains on the camp area. I was a UT3 working on the sewage , desalt barge , power plant. Also kept the refers behind the chow hall at camp Covington cold.  I was a young kid then. I do remember the good times. Along with some or part of the drunk times.  We worked hard and we played hard. It was all good.  I was there along with Mike Villierme in MCB 10.  I will be waiting for me new job notification were and when to report.

Cell Captain, Parks and Recreation
Keith Lucas <keithalucas@prodigy.net>
1975 - 1976; Airport Crash Crew
Keith's Resume:  "Hi. It is imperative that I be the head of the Dept. of Parks and Recreation. I spent a year there (75-76) as a member of the airport crash crew. This was when the Navy had control of the airport and the donkey mascot's name was Jenny. During my time there I wasted many hours basking nude on the beaches of The Rock. I also drank much beer on the plantation and other various jungle locations. I also fished, crabbed and looked for shells. Therefore my qualifications seem to be in order for this position.  As minister I would see to it that all beaches are made to be nude beaches by law, (but only if there are women about.)   Also, considering my aviation background, I qualify for the Minister of the DG FAA. Thank you for your support."

USAF LIAISON OFFICER
Doug McClelland <DougatSFO@aol.com>
1976 - 1978 off and on; USAF KC-135Q Crew
Ted,
     I visited Diego first in 1976 or so as part of the USAF invasion, returning for a stint in 1978.  Delighted to find your site!  (I was worried about the tsunami, but found you).
     We first stayed in a hootch that looked like it came out of McHales Navy.  It was even big enough for my whole KC-135Q crew.  Tin roof and real canvas "curtains" you could deploy to stop the rain from coming in through the screened in windows.
     The officers club consisted of half of a "double wide".  Room for a pool table and a bar.  But it was 20 feet from the Indian Ocean, so the ambiance more than made up for the rest of the Spartan existence!
     The airstrip was 8,000 feet long with no parallel taxiway.  We had to let our boom operator out to marshal us through a 180 degree turn at the end of the runway to taxi back to the tarmac.  I believe our group of Navigators created the first Standard Instrument Departure for Diego...
     Great time.
     In 1976 there were only two types of beer on the island, Schltz (that had been warming nicely in a freighter for two months on the way to Diego) and some Coors we brought in ourselves.  With the place being unexpectedly overrun by USAF aircrews supporting SR-71 flights over--somewhere..... we ran out of Coors often and so bastardized Schiltz's promotional phrase and came to note that on Diego Garcia "When you were out of Beer, you were left with Schlitz".
     We actually may have brought in the first woman ever.  She was a crew chief in the USAF and there was a bit of a bureaucratic error.  They posted two MPS with her and got her out of there as soon as possible....
     Anyway-I am applying for the Office of USAF Liaison Officer.  Something that is needed now more than ever as the place threatens to sink under the weight of all the paraphernalia the USAF is now stacking in there.  If that doesn't work I'd settle for USAF Historian, although Liaison is so much more cool....
     I think its OK to be a bit more public, I am pretty sure the Navy found the vehicle we "borrowed" one night.  I mean the key, was left in the ignition, so at 2 AM or so we just figured it was a communal vehicle, and it was at least a 200 yard walk back to our barracks.  Plus we never took it off the island so it wasn't really stealing....
Thanks for a great site!
Doug McClelland, erstwhile USAF Captain, retired in 1978.

MINISTER OF NHRA
Fred McMillan <airplaneguy57@yahoo.com>
1977 - 1978; Fuel Farm
President for life.  Allow me to justify my position as Minister of NHRA.  Back in the early days when all swimming had to be done in the lagoon.  The Bees were building the pool but soon figured out digging a hole on the rock quickly filled with water.  My cohorts and I worked at the Fuel Farm.  We had an old 2 1/2 ton refueler.  Our friends who worked at the air strip also had one.  As most drunken sailors will do we started talking about how fast our truck were.  So late in the evening after everyone was at home in the Mods or huts.  Just a side note, everyone lived in the huts till room opened in the Mods. Sorry, I digress, So several of us loaded into the trusted pick-up truck and headed out.  So here we are lined up on the runway, he loaded with 1200 gallons of water and me loaded with 1200 gallons of Mo-Gas.  In retrospect I don't think we were very smart but anyway, our fans were ready for the race.  We revved our diesel engine waiting for the signal.  We both see the lights on the pickup flicker in the distance and we are off.  The acceleration could have been counted on a calendar but we thought we were flying.  I felt my trusty steed gaining the advantage as I pulled away.  Not once but several times did we race with the same results.  We had such a great time that night along with many of the spectators. To include our Supply Commander.
     After all of this time I don't think anyone told our friends that their water weighted almost twice as fuel but that was what drunken, bored sailors will do just for fun.  I still look back and realize just how good we had.  We now have to pay good money to go to a crowed dirty beach and some call that heaven?
Fred McMillan
airplaneguy57@yahoo.com
BIOT Yacht Club Member 1977-78

Duty Piper and Dirigible Pilot
KEN ADLER <kadler@lyon.edu>
1978 - 1979; Weather Station
      Well, I gave it a lot of thought, and I'd like to be the Duty Piper and Dirigible Pilot.  When I was stationed on Diego in 78 and 79 I was the AG2 known as "Upper Air Supervisor" and launched balloons every morning at 4:00AM or so, and I was a guitar player.  I still play guitar, but am now a Great Highland Piper, and often wish that I had known how to blow them up back then.  I can't imagine a more pleasant place to make the BIG NOISE than out there on the beach by the cannons at sunset.  I'd gladly go out and play for an hour every evening. I would also be glad to play for any official events.   I would want to spend my days patrolling the beaches by dirigible.  Those 1200 gram balloons won't lift a guy my size.  They do make for EXCELLENT UFOs, however, when liberally decorated with lights (spray painted or wrapped in colored cellophane) attached to water-activated batteries and weighed down a bit with small chunks of rock to keep them from rising straight up.
Kenton R. Adler
http://www.lyon.edu/webdata/users/kadler/public_html/
http://www.mp3.com/bmt (You've got to listen to Ken's music.  At least check out the photo of the "Big Mean Turtle")
1917 vintage Henderson Drones - $2500
1980s Impregnated Maple Sinclair Chanter - $400
Gannaway Bag - $89
Selbie Synthetic Drone Reeds - $59
Troy Chanter Reed - $7 and hours of blow in time
Failure of your $11 Li'l Mac valve in the Crunluath doubling during a competition - Priceless

MINISTER OF X-FILES
STEPHEN P. GULLA <sgkc@earthlink.com>
1978 - 1979; Power Plant
I hope I dont get in trouble for this...  I have heard nothing of the Haunted cemetary and the Ghost at the point,so I would like to be the "Ministry of X-Files".  I lived on the rock  from `78-`79 and took pictures bushwacking all over the rock.  I was one of the power plant watch crew, keeping the power on and getting it back on when the CB`s cut down hot lines.  Bummer!  I left with 19 put backs {putting the outside sites back on line,a record then}.   Anyway,I`ll send you the ghost pictures but there is more in the photo then ghosts...and it may make you question your interpretation of the word.  I fall into the catagory of those who loved paradise and left it with sadness.  Steve"Yetiman"Gulla [see the ghost at http://www.zianet.com/tedmorris/dg/ghost78.html]

MINISTER WITHOUT PORTFOLIO FROM THE FEDERATION OF UNDERWATER COMMIE KILLERS
"Richard Nigh" <RNIGH@cfl.rr.com>
1980; USN Submariner
I should like to submit myself for the position of Minister without portfolio from the Federation of Underwater Commie Killers.  My ship was the Baton Rouge, which pulled into DG in May 1980.  I have submitted a war story for 1980.

What day it is I do not know
For time goes on, too slow, too slow.
It's out of bed and back on watch
With bloodshot eyes and itchy crotch

Time, time, it marches on,
But time has lost it's meaning!

That's all I can remember of that particular song from my submariner days.   Hope you will consider my qualifications carefully as it may mean a lot at the next SUBVETS meeting!
QM1(SS) Richard E. Nigh II
USN (RET)
DG vet 1980,1981

ROYAL AMBASSADOR FROM THE COURT OF KING NEPTUNE
"Mary Ellen Nigh" <sionan37@cfl.rr.com>
I am requesting to be recognized as Royal Ambassador from the court of King Neptune.  My credentials are as follows.  My ship, the USS L Y Spear arrived in DG in 1980 after crossing over the Equator.  The ship's Captain had announced as how we were the first ship with enlisted females to cross the Equator, becoming shellbacks.  As I was fourth in line and the only female in front of me was the ships chaplain (an officer), I lay claim to being the first enlisted female shellback.  I am fairly certain that the only women crossing during WWII were Nurses and therefore officers.  The ship we relieved had a couple of women officers, but no enlisted ones.  I met my future husband at DG while there and he has told the story of the mermaid he acquired during that tour.  BTW, the L Y Spear association will be celebrating our second reunion at Charleston SC this year.  I wish there was some way to have one on "Fantasy Island".

                                                              Yours in service to the Rock,
                                                               Mary Ellen Nigh
                                                               Royal Ambassador from the court of King Neptune

Mayor of Diego Garcia!
MELCHOR RAZON <bkndg@yahoo.com@hotmail.com>
1982 - Present; Every Contract there was:  Trainsient Alert & The Yacht Club
Mango was there for 17 years, left for a couple years, and is now back.  He is an island legend.

The Queen Mother
BARBARA SHUPING <barbshuping@yahoo.com>
1982 - 1983; US Navy, NSF
SPECIAL NOTE 26 Jun 07 - Barb has changed her name to Catherine Windsor for professional reasons.  Her new email is cwindsor59@yahoo.com.
Barbara was there when I went out TDY in 1982.  It was a real challenge for the Navy to accept that women could be on the island (or in ships, or airplanes) in those days!

Wannabe Ruler Lurking In the Wings, Plotting Against the Legitimate Government....
JAWS <Casinosloveme@aol.com>
1982; NCS
i think i should be the ruler of diego
Date:  Tue, 25 Jul 2000 16:42:45 EDT
     Hello i think i have earned  the title of ruler of diego garcia ( ok ok i will settle for head honcho lol)  actually i am one of the few in the world who can say they have been stationed on the rock 3 different times.  i was one of the first women to get there, oct82 , was the autovon operator who for a bottle of good rum would connect the island to their loved ones.  yes before cable and wireless.  i also worked the photo lab and the cool shark photo in the nsf captains office is one that i printed, from old negatives left behind by the people who dredged the harbor.  went back in 87 and my
final tour was in 90 when i was the safety officer for NCS .  loved the island wish i could go back!  but now  i am a civi putting to good use the skills i learned on Diego as a beach bum here in florida.     jaws

Minister of Contraband
STEPHEN SKUBINNA <stephens@hctc.com>
1982; Yachtie
I should be the Minister of Contraband.  In 1982 my ship made a brief stop at DGAR.  The services officer was excited about getting some local merchandise for the ship's store.  I saw the pallet come in and asked him what he had, he mentioned posters.  I pulled one out, unrolled it - it said "Welcome to Fantasy Island" and showed a sultry young woman standing in the surf, wearing a wet tee shirt with "Diego Garcia" undulating across her torso, and her hands were twisted into her bikini bottom.  Knowing that the skipper would have a cow, I grabbed another one, handed the poor guy some cash, and ran off to hide my loot.  Sure enough, the poster DID NOT go on sale in the ship's store.
Stephen Skubinna

Minister of Fuels
GEORGE RICE <westexhardrock@arkansas.net>
1984-1992; FEBROE Fuels Manager
I would like to be MINISTER of FUELS, after all I was one of the few  that was crazy enough to work both places, DG and Berbera, Always had good fuel, bad fuel and sometimes no fuel, like when IPAC sent us a new truck to Berbera that used GAS, all we had was jet fuel, how dumb can you get....

PARKS AND REC DIRECTOR
WHATIZNAME <BCole8@aol.com>
1985 - 1986; Duties Unknown
     I would like to take over the Diego Parks and Recreations, I was on the Island for Nov of 1985 to January of 1985 picking up coconuts until my ship the USS Scott DDG-995 docked to pick me up.
     I picked up alot of coconuts on that Island and Had my first taste of Tequila .
     Met Whitney Houston, for Christmas as part of a Bob Hope USO tour.   It  was difficult to keep the sound stage powered while Whitney was performing but she was not such a diva then and it didn't seem to bother her.

Mayor Emeritus
PINEAPPLE GEORGE <pineapple98@excite.com>
1985 - 2006; Every Contract there was:  Air Terminal
George was there when I was there in 87-88, and I remember him well!  Also, founder and CEO of the best band in the Indian Ocean - 7 Degrees South.

DUCHESS of DRINK
ELISABETH "RED" GAMBRELL <seagambrell@yahoo.com>
1985 - 1987, 1989 - 1991, 1999 - 2001; USN
Ahhh the woes of this title are to insignificant to list.  In stead I will mention the vast sums I have invested, the long hours of all night (not to mention days) of product sampling, the hazy days recovering and the memories to fuzzy to relate.  It is my sincere mission to ensure all persons of the republic over indulged regularly.  I upheld all that this title implies during the 6 (non-consecutive) years I was in residence, even the two years I spent there sober.  Arranging plantation runs that required a minimum of 40 cases of beer, Seamans club evenings that turned into village mornings, village evenings that ran into Brit Club mornings, the party must go on. I have left the republic in good hands during my brief (pleaseeeeeeee) absence and will resume (pleaseeeeeee) residence soon.

Commissionaire of Entertainment
VITTORIO "VITT" COX <vitcox@bigpond.com>
1986-1987; British Forces Dog Handler
     "I think it should be very much in the manner of Latka from TAXI who said (and this has to be read in a ludicrous accent) "in our country it is traditional for ones in love to have sex in every conceivable (!) position. In this way they can see if they are compatible. Now, if only we can get the women to agree...........
     "Every person who joins DG will receive a ukulele and a bottle of tequila (with a cocktail recipe book).
     "There would be mandatory gatherings on small beaches with such exotic beverages like, cold duck and lancers Riesling (in a pop top bottle). Clothing would be optional.
     "One thing to ensure I got the job..... I'd bring back tailgate parties.  Remember when they banned them in 86 or 87? Yup, the joy police (Morale division) screwed up this very social activity. Seeing one's loved one leaving the Island (just in case the flight didn't go anywhere and you got caught with the temporary replacement) was such a pleasure - or a tragedy, at least you had DGians to ensure you got over it - real quick.
     "I would like to also be Dog Protection League Secretary [editor's note:  Sorry, only one governmental position per bribe...er...I mean person).

Vice Council to the Few, The Proud, The Fleeters in the PWD
PATRICK J ROSE, EMC NNSY <RosePJ@nnsy.navy.mil>
1986-1987; USN PWD
     "Worked in the Public Works Department, as one of only a few non-Seabees, and part time at the Seamans Club.  Believe it or not, actually miss the place.  Would go back in a 'Mauritius micro-finstant' (a very brief moment in time), am actually trying to hook up with the new BOS Bubbas there, as this Chief is ready to finally retire from the Active Duty Rolls.  If I ever get a job there, will send you some photos.  "DING DING, Hammer!"

Secretary of Jedi Masterisms & Logistics
BILL O'BRIEN, a.k.a., Obi Wan Kenobi <OB_Arcola@SoftHome.net>
1987-1988; PRC/KENTRON Supply chief
O.B. was there at the Space Com detachment in 1987-1988, and immediately upon seeing the movie Star Wars in the mid-70s, grew a beard and started talking like Alec Guiness.  By the time he got to DG, he had invented a working prototype of a light sabre.  Could scrounge anything, even on DG.

AMBASSADOR TO POLAR BEARS EVERWHERE
GENE GYSIN " PAPA GINO" <gene.gysin@intelligrated.com>
1987 - 1988; Duties Unknown
Greetings oh Most Exalted President for Life,
     This is Papa Gino, as a resident from 87-88 I would like to submit myself as the prime candidate for the Post of Ambassador to Polar
Bears Everywhere.  Please refer to my Warstory from 1987 concerning the Order of Equatorial Polar Bear.  With such an affinity and close
relationship with the worthy (and quite often soused) Polar Bear, how could I not be the only possible choice for this important and totally
bogus office?
     My plan would be to unite other members of the Polar Bear fraternity into a unified and solid diplomatic team.  We would travel the face of
the planet and solidify relations with Polar Bears (or any other type of bear, preferably that big Lunkhead from the Molson commercials)
through the propious and efficacious use of alcohol.  If that fails, we’ll just find a nice tropical beach with a bar something like the Brit Club
or Expat Club and drink to the glory and honor that it Diego Garcia.
Sincerely,
Gene Gysin  (Papa Gino)
Oracle System Administrator
Intelligrated Systems, LLC
513-701-7214
*****FLASH UPDATE*****31 DEC 06*****
Ted,
     I just logged onto the PPRDG site (beautiful, ma, just beautiful) and noted that you needed some duties update on my post as Ambassador to Polar Bears everywhere.  On the Rock I was the Ground Electronics Division Leading PO.
     Also, I’d like to update my real world job title and email address so if any of my Polar Bear friends would like to contact, they can do so and we can relive the glory days of beer, volley ball, ice troughs and coral infections.
          Title (like it means anything) Transportation Management Product Management
          Email:    gene.gysin@workflowone.com
     Keep up the terrific work.  I love the site almost as much as I loved the place.
     PS, my parish priest here in Ohio was our Priest on Diego Garcia while I was there.  A shout out to FR Charlie Lang anyone?
Gene  Gysin
Transportation Management Product Manager
WorkflowOne
937-630-9646
 
 
 

Commissar of Alcohol Distribution
MARK CHANDLER <macatprw1@hotmail.com>
1988 - 2000 off and on; PATWING 1 DET
     Ted - Hola amigo! I was one of the two "Black Shoes" stationed at PATWING 1 Det DGAR from Dec 88 - Jun 00. I would like to recommend myself for post as the PPDRDG Minister of Alcohol Distribution. I feel that after 16 months of
trying to beat the MWR guys to the Capt Morgan, that this is truely a necessary function. Thank the gods for the "Village Telegraph". Those guys were the only ones quicker on the draw than MWR. Not only were their prices reasonable but most of the time they were a lot closer to the actual scene of need!! As Minister of Alcohol I would enforce a 24 hour delay of sales to MWR allowing the average island inhabitant plenty of time to get his fair share and/or to borrow the money to do so if necessary. "Fair Share" would have to be defined of course.  But I'm sure we could come to some sort of an "agreement" over a few drinks at the DGYC.  I'm also sure that DGYC members fair share would be more than MWR's fair share.

Poet Laureate
Jay Weinstock <jayweinstock@aol.com>
1989 - 1990; Contractor at R-Site
      I have noticed that we are missing a Minister of the Arts, and feel that I fully qualify. I was stationed at DG 1989 - 1990 as a civilian Field Engineer at R-site and occasionally at T-site. Although I was a "temporary officer" while there, in real life I was just an ordinary STG-2. For me, DG was the best of both worlds, and have written a poem about a typical evening there.  Included is that poem:

Sunset at Diego Garcia

It's autumn in the States but
On the Rock it is just another day.
Warm and wet, with the smell of decaying jungle
Vegetation mixing with the indigestion starting
From make-our-own-pizza night at the Officer's Club.

A lone coconut palm lazily leans over the hot coral
Sands as if to get a cool drink without burning its feet.
I can hear the distant laughter of yet another silly
Drinking game at the club and one patron asking another
About tonight's movie.

To the west and slightly to the north,
A light reminiscent of Saint Elmo's Fire.
A small sea squall a mile or so off
Is framed in a Marxist hue
And yet again with Robert Johnson.

The distant roar of laughter draws my attention,
As the Filipino projectionist finds that the movie title
Really isn't "Sand's of Iwo Jima,"
But "Debbie Does Dallas",
Which, the base Doctor and I had placed in its stead.

The Indian Ocean makes a soothing contrast
To the jitterbugging red crabs on the shore,
For they are in a hurry,
But the waters will forever remain.

Another inhalation of jungle stench,
I kick a brier cat that startles me with a screech
When I stepped on its tail as I make my way towards the movie.

As I pause to contemplate the day's events
And what may come tomorrow;
I ask myself silently,

"I wonder what the poor folks back home are doing at this moment?"

Keeper of the Sacred Lists
DAVID STENDER <houdakye@yahoo.com>
Jan 90 - Feb 91; Naval Oceanography Command Detachment
Quick Memories:
* San Miguel - which bottle was going to knock me on my ass.
* Lumpia - Damned if I can find anyone that makes it better than the "Peacekeeper".
* Diego Burger - What in the world was that all about.
* The Brit Club - Relax, don't worry about anything, listen to the tunes, Relax some more.
* Chuck "Silver" Lewis - LCDR on CVN 70, flew in the movie "Top Gun", stopped by the WX Office on a saturday to say hey! Definately not some tight ass hollywood star.  T
* The Buff's - Raining hard, one of the KC-135's was flying doing touch and goes, touched once and slid off the runway then back on, and took off back into his pattern. Didn't bother telling anyone that there was standing water on the runway.  B-52 comes in and touches down and slides off the runway.  My pucker factor increase greatly.  Thought I was going to be breaking big rock into little rocks.
* Cats - One week there are a bunch, the next most have disappeared (aka: drowned).
* EXPAT Club - Pinaeapple & Canadian Bacon Pizza, who knew.
* Hash Runs - HA! HA! HA! Ooah the Scabby!
* Bowling - This is where all the Pros start out.
* San Miguel - I probably haven't mentioned this beer before.  Tastes great out of a milk jug.
* Shoe shining - It's amazing how shiny your shoes become after they have been lit on fire.
* Red Horse - Whoa horsey! Nice pony.
* Fosters - I met the gentleman a few times.
* Mai Tai's - 15 of these will make you eat popcorn off the floor.
* Marine Compound - What the hell goes on in that place.
* San Miguel - Embalming Fluid.  Doesn't taste all that bad.
* Greatest Memory: CWO3 Mr. Barber - Partied like no other officer I met.

Chief Secretariat of Safety
Art Davis <adavis@dol.state.ne.us>
1991; Duties Uknown
I'd like to be the Secratary of Safety.  While assigned there during Desert Storm, I kept my vehicle on the road constantly, looking for wayward soldiers, sailors and airmen returning from a fun filled night (or day) at one of the clubs.  At one time we even had a small step stool built so we could lower the tail gate down to allow those slightly tippsey to easily get into the back of the truck.  After a couple weeks of this, I personally think everyone should have had their billet numbers tatooed on their forehead, sure would've made it easier to get them home!
     I'd have to have my office at the fishing pier off Marianne Point, since that's where I spent most of my "free" time.  "Just take a number...be with you after the fish stop biting".

The Minister of Comedic Activities
LAURIE KILMARTIN <laurie@kilmartin.com>
1991; Visiting Troubadorix
Laurie has a critique of the swimming pool on her web site.  Here's her write up about the island from her extremely funny home page:  "If you like drunk Navy pilots, you'll love Diego Garcia -  A tiny tropical island in the middle of the Indian ocean.  I hope you brought your sunscreen.  Details:  [using their pool is ] only an option if you are in the armed services.  The Department of Defense endowed me with temporary officer status when I toured the Persian Gulf area, entertaining our drunk and glorious troops. It's true. Buy me a pint of Guinness one gloomy San Francisco night and I'll tell you all about it."  [editor's note:  You'll need to pay her plane fare to the City, because she's moved to the Big Apple.  Plus, you'll need to buy some Shirley Temples for her baby.  But don't worry, she's not married yet, so you've still got a chance.  I've included her picture because I'm secretly in love with her (but don't tell my wife).]

MINISTER OF TIE-DYE HEADBANDS
JIM URION <talon757@netzero.com>
June '91 - Jul '92; USAF MAC DETCO
Dear President For Life,
     I wish to be considered for the position of "Minister of Tie-Dye Headbands".  As anyone on the island during that time will attest, the SUPPO (Commander Bob Collard) and I were the main proponents of one Jim Morrison during our days on the rock.  In the Interim since then, I have personally been to Pierre LaChase Cemetery where Jim M. currently resides and to Venice Beach, CA where Jim began his hallucinogenic career.  In addition, my 'Q' room was raided by the Navy Security Drug Dogs after my hosting the "Blacklight/Rock & Roll/poster/body painting/ party at the old O-club.  Of course nothing was found, but I must have made them nervous. I guess it was the sugar cubes.
    I further add to my qualifications by the following:  This is original poetry that was placed on a plaque in the old O-club at my departure.  I have no idea if it has survived the trip to the new one.  At any rate, here it is:
 

We are the faceless ones, the nameless ones.
On a hundred different bits of stone and coral
     scattered over the globe
         we wait,
              we work,
                    we maintain.
We keep the peace, we stabilize the world
     for those who never know we exist.
Brit or Yank - without face or name we are all the same.
Yet, we would not have it otherwise.
     If you knew of us,
          if we suddenly gained our names and faces,
                then we would have failed.
The frail peace we guard so steadfastly
     would have evaporated
          and we would have become important.
How much better to remain faceless
     to a nation going about its business.
How much better to be nameless
     and at peace.

Director Of Really Kickass Health Endeavors At Dodge
BRENT HIXSON <Kipster1@siteone.net>
1991; NSF AIMD
Dear Illustrious Potentate of the PPDRDG:
To wit: My application for the position of Director Of Really Kickass Health Endeavors At Dodge (aka D.O.R.K.H.E.A.D.)
Gentlemen: I see there has been no one to announce their candidacy for such a position as I have noted herein. As living proof of the merits of Marine Corps led fat-boy programs, I feel I am most qualified to fulfill the duties and obligations of such a position. I know what some may think, "hell man, this place is for partying, and you want to screw it up by encouraging us to do PT?" Yes, yes, I know...but what would Dodge be without Hash Runs? I see it now, St. Patty's Day....a pristine sunrise over the lagoon, a hundred or so half-drunk or way too motivated swabbies and jarheads  in combat boots on the beach ready to run like freakin' morons down the beach and through the jungle....ah yes....Hash Runs....a moronically anticipated orgy of sand, mud, and grime. It's not a glamorous job, but someone's gotta be there to keep the tradition goin'.
Waiting to be at your humble service, H.M. D.O.R.K.H.E.A.D.
AT3 who humbly served coffee and candy at the NSF AIMD coffee mess during Gulf War I (I hear there may be a Gulf War II, coffee anyone?)

Chairman, Division of Inebriated Surfers
<surferjoe@aol.com>
1992; Parachute Rigger
In 92' I was a 22 year old Parachute Rigger stationed in Hawaii that went surfing daily. Then they (The Navy) sent me to an island in the middle of the Indian Ocean for six months, where I was told that if I went surfing I'd be in a shitload of trouble.  So I did. What the hell did they think I was gonna do !! and can anybody tell me why the hell the beer tasted so funny? What a beautiful place.  ALOHA!!

Ambassador from and to the Banana Republic of Louisiana
Joe Cornwell <cornwe@aol.com>
1992 - ????; Merchant Mariner
My name is Joe Cornwell. I have been in D.G. regularly for nine years now, starting in 1992. I strongly feel that I should be named Ambassador from and to the Banana Republic of Louisiana. I am in the Seaman's Club making friends (well ok meeting people) every night. I am very well known and if appointed promise to keep up the good work. OK OK, I'm going to continue my wicked ways anyhow, but it would be nice to be recognized.  Bos'n Joe ( Registered Rogue and Vagabond)

Head of Subversive Activities
<moc.oohay@ttamC> ttaM darnoC
1996 - 1998; Irish Man
(Name encoded with 128-bit Encryption to elude authorities)
[contact information available for a hefty bribe to the webmaster]
I'm not your real subversive type though I do resent authoritarian oppression and general stupidity.  As DG is a great place to rollerblade, if you like going up and down the bike path a couple of times a day, I developed the habit of going into the air terminal to get a drink of water with my blades on (it was only 5 feet in the terminal).  The new Brit Rep (1997-ish) happened to be there and promptly gave me shit for wearing my blades in the terminal.  OK, it's their island, but Christ we built the friggin place so at least they could try to be reasonable, I mean speeding ticket for 3mph over the limit??!!  So while on leave in Ireland in April 1997, I picked up a 'Keep Ireland Tidy - Throw your Rubbish in England' bumper sticker and pasted it to the Brit Reps' shiny white Land Rover's bumper while it was parked in front of my BOQ room on Trafalgar night of all nights....
ttaM darnoC also provided this list of other qualifying subversive activities in his resume:
-     I also had my own herb garden of illegally imported basil, peppers, chives and other seeds.
-    When the B-52 crews were on island and there was no room at the inn so to speak, I hung a painted 'No Vacancy' sign to the 'Welcome to BIOT' sign (at the instigation of a certain USN Supply Ensign..)
-     I exceeded the speed limit whenever possible (hitting 70mph on the drag strip to the plantation).  The BIOT didn't deviate from their favorite Radar spots...
-     I've tasted both Coconut Crab and lobster (Delicious!)
-     I've collected at least 1 live shell.
-     I purposely failed my room inspections (what the hell is that?  I'm not military you friggin' wankers!)
-     I parked my car in unauthorized areas (the water plant was my favorite)
-     I rode my bicycle while intoxicated (and have the scars to prove it.  Thanks to the swimming pool workers for applying first aid!)
-     I owned a knife with a blade longer than 3 inches.

The Duke of Doubt - Leader of the Loyal Opposition
D.M. NOLTE <flipper88@juno.com>
1997-1998;  Not Sure What D.M. Did.
Flipper absolutely hated the place, but that's o.k., too!  Some of us have forgotten the daily hassles, and the long, lonely nights.  Every government needs someone to remind us that everything isn't peaches and cream.

Liaison to Her Majesty's Forces
STACY YOUNG <syoung@fleetimaging.com>
1997-1998; USN Journalist
I would like yhe title of British Liaison.  I was on DG and worked for AFRTS.  The reason I would like this title is:  When I was there my closest friends were the Brits.  From the time I got there till the time I left I was in w/ the Brits.   Many have came over to visit me in the states, and I'm headed over their this summer for a DG reunion.  Many of the new people on the Island thought I was British because I was their softball coach, DJ at the brit club and basically the only "spam" they took in,  plus I could go drink for drink with them.  That's my reason.  If you would ike some videos of DG I have hour and hours of stuff from news that was on the air to parties at sharks cove with the Brits.
p.s. I'm headed back

Minister of Love and Lifetime President of the Patron Wing One Det Diego Garcia Drinking Team
MICHAEL LITTLEFORD <michael.littleford@navy.mil>
1998-1999; 2000-2001
Good Morning El Presidente,
        I was stationed on the island two separate times, May 1998 to Oct 1999 and May 2000 to July 2001.  The first time that I went to the island was awesome and I became the President of the Patwing One Drinking Team, a much needed job for the folks at PW-1 Det Diego Garcia.  This tour also was the major cause of my divorce upon returning to the states.  One my second tour, the very first day I was back on the island I met my wife of now 5 years sitting at one of the tables outside the internet café (aka the old first class mess shack).  So the first time there caused me to get rid of the devil riding my back all the time and the second caused me to find the angel I so desperately needed in my life.  My wife and me are waiting for me to finally retire and we will be looking into trying to get back to the island as civilians.  With that said I wish to be established as the "Minister of Love and Lifetime President of the Patron Wing One Det Diego Garcia Drinking Team".  See Ya back on the island someday, Mike.

Minister of Anarchy
Tom Kretz <bb62kretz@yahoo.com>
1999-2000; PATRECONWING1 DET DG
     I served with Mark Chandler A.K.A. Minister of Alcohol Distribution.  A most fitting position for him I must add.  Mark is the one responsible for coverting me from Bacardi 151 to Cap?n Morgan, thanks brother!  I was the second 'shoe' at PATRECONWING1 DET DG and do herby nominate myself as the Minister of Anarchy.  Shortly after my arrival at the detachment the OIC 'MIG' discovered that he had been cursed with what he refereed to as 'a bullet proof chief'. I was sent there after not only having my request to go to the Fleet Inactive Reserve request DENIED, but also having my shore duty terminated 12 months early.  Needless to say I was anything but excited to be there.  I am not sure what possessed the MIG but he appointed me the Command Chief and I seized the opportunity to show the Airdale Officers what the Black Shoe Navy was all about.  We never saw eye to eye, the MIG and I, and more than once I had the pleasure to tell him NO.  The day he wanted me to send an Airman outside with scissors to trim the grass was a classic.  Anyway, the longer I was there the more I enjoyed it.  I still miss several of the friends I made there, even if THEY were shoes.
 

Minister of Visual Propaganda
GLORIA BARRY, PH2(AW)" <BarryG@dg.navy.mil>
1999-2000; USN Photo Journalist
Gloria provided some nice action shots of a DGYC regatta, and is aka "Madame Secretary" of the DGYC.

Lord of the Lagoon
RUSSELL SMOTHERS <rgsmothers@aol.com>
1999-2000; USN Chief and Na'er do well
Russ holds several titles of Commodore for the Yacht Club, and if you want to sail, he's the guy to deal with.  I personally haven't figured out when (or if) he works - he's always on the water, or in the hammock.

Interim Propoganda Chief for Life
ED BUCZEK <buczek@mindspring.com>
1999; OIC AFRTS/AFN/NBS
Officer In Charge, Naval Media Center Broadcast Det (AFRTS/AFN), Diego Garcia, BIOT (1999).  Appointed by the President for Life.  I mean, if you can't trust NBS to lie to you, who can you trust?
Chairman of the Department of Double Duty (DODD).
MICHAEL R. BABCOCK <mbabcock@pdq.net>
1978 - 1979; Duties Unknown
A Two Time Winner (or Looser depending on how you look at it!) 1978 & 1979!

KING OF FREE T-SHIRTS, ETC.
JAKE MILLER <Thebigsexyjake59@aol.com>
1999 - 2000; Duties Unknown
I would like to submit my application for D.G. king of  free T-shirts and resident expert on sunburns hangovers and drunkin foolishness. Diego garcia was my first duty station ever. i came there during 1999 at the tender age of 19 as a lowly RMSN with big dreams and a great attitude. I quickly got involved in island activitys participating in 13 full moon platoons, one cable and wireless challenge in 99 (placed 4th with team dirty name) was on the soccor team, raced sailing reggattas (one against russ smothers and that bastard barely beat us), and many other activitys. each of these activitys include a free shirt. needless to say i have a drawer full of mwr t-shirts and this is why i should be king of free shirts.  being mostly irish  one of the first things i got in diego was a nasty SDSS (seven degree south sunburn) i recommend aloevera with the painkiller stuff in it or noxema (try it). for hangovers nothing beats excedrin and gatorade or, some of that good old buffalo water. as for drunkin foolishness next time you snorkel in dg if ever, make your way over to the end of the floating marina go out about 5-10 yards and look down. if you were there in 1999 youll probably find a bike that you had go missing. yeah we got drunk stole bikes and ramped them off of the dock in a blind drunkin stooper. im not proud of it but it sure as hell is funny when i think about it. the thing i miss most about dg is looking up at night on cannon point and seeing every star in the sky, being on the beach with no noise other than wind and water, and finally i miss real phillipino lumpia made by people who really know how to make it. to all my fellow diegotians i wish you fair winds and following seas.

ATCFO
TODD BRAY <tbray@tampabay.rr.com>
1999 - 2000; Air Traffic Control
     Well I was on the rock from Jun99-jun00.  And after reading all of the great reasons why this person should be this and this person should be that, your're still missing ME!  Don't forget that no country is great with out a well run air traffic control system.  I mean honestly how would we have gotten our mail (the donkeys could only carry it so far)?  And How on earth could we have got our emergency supply of beer for New Years 2000 if not for your fearless and over worked Air Traffic Controllers?  How would anyone got on or got off the island with out us?  Therefore, I will accept the position that I give to myself before my old Sailor of the Year First Class sleeps with half the island to get it.

AMBASSADOR TO CANADA
TOM FALLS <tcbfalls@canada.com>
2002; 1 Troop, Reconnaissance Squadron, Lord Strathcona's Horse
Sir:
I wish to apply for the post of Ambassador to Canada.  I was a Coyote commander in Afghanistan for six months and was on the first C-5 full of Canadians to land on DG in July 2002, on our way home.  I think we were the only plane load allowed to drink, for reasons of which you may still be aware.  I hereby take full responsibility for the nightime bonfire on the shores of the lagoon hosted by elements of Squadron Headquarters and 1 Troop, Reconnaissance Squadron, Lord Strathcona's Horse (Royal Canadians).  We didn't know it was illegal to have bonfires, and being a tribe (Canadians) from the northern boreal forests, it was part of our culture to light a fire when your huge sun went down.  We were joined by some B-52 crews who and we all had a great time.
     Me: "Why are we the only bonfire on this dark beach?"
     B-52 Navigator: "Because if the BIOT police catch you, they will lock you up and throw away the key".
     Me: "Why didn't you guys tell us that when you came over to our bonfire three hours ago?"
     B-52 Navigator:  "Because we like bonfires too!"
My thanks go out to all who showed us such great hospitality for the whole 24 hours that I was there.  For those who are in DG now, Merry
Christmas, Happy New year, and I wish you all the best.
p.s.  Anybody want any snow?  I shovel the driveway, the wind blows it back.  I shovel the driveway, the wind blows it back...
Tom Falls
PO Box 283
326 Arras Ave
Lancaster Park
Alberta
Canada
T0A 2H0

CANADIAN AMBASSADOR
(Actually, the Government of the Great White North SHOULD Make This Appointment, but since they forgot, I'll do it!)
WAYNE GREEN <RMC_REDMEN@YAHOO.COM>
2002; Canadian Forces
Oh exultant one,
     I see that your are missing an important role of a Canadian Ambassador of the PPDRDG.  My time, although way too short but much enjoyed on DG.
     Deployed as a member of the Canadian Forces on Operation Enduring Freedom, working with the 101st Airborne in Afghanistan in 2002.  On our
deployment home after our tour we transited through DG to for a little R&R prior to catching a flight back to Canada.
     I was lucky enough to visit DG twice, once on a recce and once as the liaison officer for the transit of our troops through.  The memories of the island are great, cheap beer after being dry for six months in theatre, serving drinks at the Brit Club with a guy in a Kilt (don't think I was supposed to be doing that but it is a Hazy memory and it was after 6 months in Kandahar dry!!!), swaying palm trees.  Although I only spent a total of two weeks on the island I hit every "tourist" spot possible and feel that alone qualifies me as the Canadian Ambassador (OK nobody else has picked the job yet)
WM (Wayne) Green
Capt
G4 Supply
1 CMBG HQ
CSN/DSN 528-3943
Commercial (780) 973-4011 ext 3943
E-Mail green.wm@forces.gc.ca

PLANTATION PARTY PROPAGANDA PUBLICIST
MAGGIE MAE CLAY <maggiemaeclay@mac.com>
2004 - 2005; Party Coordinator
     During my time on DG from May 2004-May 2005 I fronted many propaganda movements to head to the Plantation for parties and fun. One ended with some "Girls Gone Wild" moments on the bus-ride home (I'll leave that up to your imagination); one ended with the Brits getting a flat-tire and nearly totaling their Land Rover; and one ended with some lost explorers who swore it was "impossible to get lost on Diego Garcia," I will tell you it is possible to get lost in the jungle, and remember to bring beer with you if you go exploring because you WILL get thirsty and you WILL get lost.
     Other fun parties on DG included all nighters thrown by the Brits, Mauritians and Toga Party thrown by the Seabee Divers sent to survey Pol Pier. Thanks guys I'll never forget them!

EDITOR'S NOTE:  Maggie is a genuine, published POET, and you can learn all about her and her work at her website.  Buy her book on Amazon.com!  Here are some of her poems about DG - remember these are her work, and copyrighted...so don't rip them off without her permission!
 

My Blue Heaven...
Sparkles with crystal-blue eyes
 and sapphire-blue skies
with sharks darting in and out
 of azure-blue tidal creeks
with the sea turtles;
 stingrays lazily meander
the shoreline, while
 turquoise-blue tuna
play in the tidal pools;
 baby-blue dragonflies
dash about in droves
 landing to rest on fishing poles
while seagulls float on warm
 off-shore breezes in groups of two
palm trees sway back and forth
 while casting slow-motion shadows
under the mid-day sun;
 bright orange Fody Birds feast on
breadcrumbs in the courtyard
 while music is heard
from the balcony across the way...

...handsome boys are playing
 Frisbee along the shoreline
of the royal, aqua-blue lagoon
 others toss around the pigskin;
it is a perpetual vacation
 an endless summer weekend;
with white-sand beaches speckled
 with red and blue coral
caressing the island’s inhabitants
 as they lay kissing under the stars
listening to waves and making
 rhythmic lust-fueled love;
it is a magic place,
 this sultry realm
ruled by a blue god;
 even in the green jungles,
the blue sounds of laughter
 of lost explorers can be heard;
my time here is half over
 oh how I wish I could linger
here in this heaven forever
 amidst the company of blue-eyed boys.

Diego Garcia...
I have found a place on the
 planet where time stands still
where the sun rises and sets
 at the same time every day
where adults still laugh and play
 where clouds remain the same
offshore, motionless for hours
 where blue skies are perpetual
and mirror the tides
 where the water is always
warm and the winds whisper
 softly into the ears of lone listeners
watching patiently the waves
 every day, just the same
time ceases to reign over
 this reef realm
where palm trees cast a peaceful
 shade upon the shoreline
a misty blanket of silence
 envelops this place
where its inhabitants linger
 in a rum-engulfed slumber
on an endless vacation.;

I have spent a lifetime waiting
 to wander through days
such as these
 sitting to ponder lost galaxies
under the shade of palm trees
 seeing upside down constellations
golden sunrises full of inspirations
 enough for a million mornings
double rainbows and ancient plantations
 sparkling waters filled with fascinations.

Copyright Maggie Mae Clay 2006

Minister of Secret, Clandestine Radio Stations
BILL EDWARDS <N8ARW@aol.com>
Dates Unknown; Radioman
On  the island, in addition to the normal activities (read: drinking), I spent a lot of time with the guy's of the NMCB Det. at the MARS station running phone patches back home. We didn't have Cable & Wireless yet, although being a Radioman, at least we had access to the Autovon line. I also spent a significant amount of time at the Ham Radio Station making more contacts than I cared to log.    I would like to petition the PPDRDG to create a position of Communications Minister for which I could apply. It's obvious with my communications background, that I could easily learn Smoke Signals and Drumbeats for secure intra-island communication. Hell, I can still send and receive Morse code better while drinking, plus no one notices any slurring!

CHIEF SCIENTIST FOR THE FURTHER STUDY OF ELECTORMAGNETICS AND CARBON-BASED LIQUIDS
RICK LEVANDOWSKI <rlevandowski@mar.ibb.gov>
Dates Unknown; Merchant Mariner
Organization:  R.F.A. Tinian, CNMI
Hey der, ho der - as a previous incarceratee of the Dodge syndrome as a Merchant Mariner several times over, and a Donkey-dllar-bill carrying freelance
galavantor of the unknown (now in the "real" world of Tinian) I hereby request assylum in the provisional DG gov't. in the duty of of the "Institute of further studies in electromagnetics and carbon-based liquids".
     Ironically, like u I'm in the service of the ol' Uncle Sugar himself here @ the VOA station and specializing in the usurpation of rules and norms unknown as designed by persons unknown.
Regards, Rick
www.wh0ai.net
p.s. see http://www.qsl.net/vq9x/ for possible other inductees

Chief Lobbyist for Economic Development
TAYLOR CLEAR <bilgeman@aol.com>
Dates Unknown; Duties Unknown
Dear Mr. President;
     I write to you offering my services as Chief Lobbyist for Economic Development of our beloved Republic.
     Our economy is based on one thing...GOVERNMENT SPENDING...and lots of it. As your lobbyist, my aim will be to have the government spend EVEN MORE!
     To this end, I would pursue my 1996 letter to Buckingham Palace wherein I suggested that Her Majesty establish the UK's largest Women's Prison on Diego Garcia. Great Britain has a long and successful history of exporting its' criminals abroad, and on Diego Garcia such a prison would establish a precedent where such exiles would actually be welcomed...for a modest per-diem fee.
     In addition, I would express to the US Congress that we need a strong Copra Industry to prevent our natives from falling prey to the insidious allure of  International Marxism. As long as we keep the booze flowing, Congress should have no problem voting massive subsidies to prop up our flagging Copra Industry.
     And here's the rub...Once  H.M.'s Women's Prison is up and running, we incorporate the whole venture as a "Women and Minority Owned Business" engaged in a "Renewable Energy Resource" venture..this should give us political cover, should some "cost-cutter" start whining about how much swag is apparently sailing off the edge of the earth.
Yours in Profit:
Bilgeman

Chief Pilot
David Jewhurst <DMJEWHURST@msn.com>
Dates Unknown; Freedom Bird Pilot
     Now here's the guy everybody likes!  Dave is a pilot for the Freedom Bird - and has worked for Hawaiian Air and now with ATI (Air Transport International).  Even though some of us MAC/AMC guys have been there a lot, he's probably got the record.  Next time you're on your way to or from DG, say hey to Dave for me.

Royal Minister of Recreation
Lynn Crane <rcrane@wi.rr.com>
Dates Unknown; Duties Unknown
Lynn writes:  "I would like to be the "Royal Minister of Recreation" for the PPDRDG if you haven't already filled that post.  Even my transfer eval recognized my contributions to Hail and Farewell events and to planning watch section and department activities and going away parties.  My own going away party was a Mojo Gala that began at 10am and lasted until midnight when the flight took off---and I don't drink!!!  It was a blast though.  Nicknamed "Where's the Party?" because I could always be counted on to know the answer to that question, not because I ever asked it (!!), I thoroughly enjoyed my tour on Diego Garcia and have touted its benefits ever since."

Chief of the Secret Police
Eric Ferweda <DFerweda@msn.com>
Dates Unknown; USMC
Eric asked to be Head of Island Security, but since we already have a Defense Minister, we'll assign him to be in charge of the Secret Police....  Eric wrote:  This is my title, and beating Pineapple on every bike race makes me the fastest. Spending two years as a Marine keeping all the squids and flyboys safe from the commies and other riffraff out in the big bad world I deserve the title of Head of Island Security. Feel free to e-mail me, my info for my permanent position, on island. Please dont forget my orders and space "A" flight status....

POTENTATE OF TRANSPORTATION
KARL A. JENSEN  <JensenK@dg.navy.mil>
Dates Unknown; PWD
I think your page is awesome.  I've been here 11 days now, and so far, the place is just as you said. I'm EO1 (SCW) A.J. JENSEN (Seabee) , and
since I'm the new Transportation QAE for PWD, I'd like to apply for current Ministry of Transportation potentate. I promise I will send Pics as soon as I take some.....speaking of which, would you like current pics of anything in particular? Lemme know.....

CHIEF JUSTICE
DAVID CLAYTON CARRAD <info@qdrosolutions.net>
Dates Unknown; Duties Unknown
I want to be Chief Justice of the DG Supreme Court.  Our motto:  "Anything Goes; Pay the Clerk In Cash On Your Way In."  My first act will be to disbar Michael Tigar and his little law student followers in advance.

King of Overindulgence
Doug Guy <BeerSquid21@aol.com>
Dates Unknown; Duties Unknown
The first night I got here went great, met up with old friends had a few drinks, ended up seeing more than one moon on the beach.  Who would of thought that a persons ass could be so white after she'd been here 3 months.  The next morning I woke with great ambition thinking every night would be so exotic, funny how things work out huh.  I proceeded to get blackout drunk everynight for the next week and pass outside of the Turner club, Brit club and other random places in between there and my room.  Hopefully i'll get a tolerance capable of competing with these professionals here, but as for now I bestow upon myself as RULING KING OF OVERINDULGENCE.

Minister of Questionable Ethics
Spike <troublemaker@lokmail.net>
Dates Unknown; Duties Unknown
After a long day of causing Trouble worldwide, its just darn nifty ta know that there is place where the military could lock me up on a tiny island in the middle of nowhere.
Any pointers for those island bound...Like what would be good to smuggle in to make friends immediately?
[en route 2001]
Sincerely,
Spike
Founder of The Troublemaker's Organization
http://www.troublemaker.org

SUPREME HIGH PRIEST OF DIEGO GARCIA, PROTECTOR OF THE FAITH AND OFFICIAL SANCTIFIER OF ALL HOPS AND ALES, FERMENTED GRAIN BEVERAGES, DISTILLED SPIRITS AND ALL OTHER FORMS OF MILWAUKEE HOLY WATER
Timothy Bright <TBright@gsmc.org>
Dates Unknown; Duties Unknown
Dearest President for Life,
I request admission to this most august body. Myself being a humble resident of this most glorious of locations for four wonderful months in the Garden
of Eden hereby referred to as Camp Justice.  How fondly I remember living in luxury in my eight man tent, eating cold scrambled eggs every morning and working sixteen hour days supporting Operation Enduring Freedom. On special occasions, we were allowed to purchase five whole tepid canned beers to enjoy outside our tent because our Commander was a teetotaler and did not want anyone drinking a six pack on his watch. Did I mention this canned beer tasted like it had been shipped to the island before Bob Hope brought his USO tour? The only thing that could help us choke down this viscous fluid ( which was better than none at all) was to gather it all together and to sanctify it with a blessing. As an ordained minister, it became part of my ritual to improve morale by blessing our allotted ration of beer, meager by island standards that it was. In consideration of my contribution to improving the morale of the camps denizens as well as devising an elaborate ritual that never failed to bring a smile or laugh to the parishioners condemned to this tropical paradise, I
request the Honorable title of "Supreme High Priest of Diego Garcia, Protector of the Faith and Official Sanctifier of all Hops and Ales, Fermented Grain Beverages, Distilled Spirits and all other forms of Milwaukee Holy Water". Upon conference of said title, I will extend a special blessing worldwide on all spirituous beverages consumed by any and all persons who have visited upon the sacred "Rock" that there beverages of choice be especially tasty and cause no ill effects. Thank you for your consideration.
Tim Bright, MSgt USAF, Ret.

Potentate of Very Sharp Objects.
CHARLES <cymi514@aol.com>
Dates Unknown; US Army
Hi my name is Charles.  I would like to apply for the position of minister of very sharp objects.  You see early on in my tour in the real military, that is the Army, it was noted that I was the only young trooper who could properly sharpen a bayonet.  It appears that such low and cunning skills have been forgotten by the hillbillies as they are too engaged in saving up for a Ford 150.  My reward for flaunting this high skill was to dutifully, under orders, sharpen all of the bayonets for my platoon on every exercise that we engaged in. Until the wisdom of out topkick prevailed and had us all intentionally dull all of the said sharpened items by rubbing the sharp edge on cinderblocks as he realized that we infantryman were in possession of fully functional weapons.  Imagine that.  My heart was broken.  So in short I have paid my dues and will, for a modest price, sharpen any object of any citizen of the Provisional Republic.  It is my civic duty.  Sorry that I am forever banished from the shores of Diego, but Germany was just its opposite, and better.

Secretary of Defence
BRIAN WESSEL <Brian.Wessel@born.com>
Dates Unknown; USMC
It seems to me that as a young Marine on DG, I had a bit of a different experiance then the Navy and Air Force people there.  I guess we were a bit more insular, and didn't get around as much.  Our crappy work schedule probably had a lot to do with that.  And Ft. Johnny Rambo? You guys really called it that?  Man.  I remember that us Marines had a standing invite to the Brit Club, which I only used a few times.  I did use it on  my finale night on the island, when I hit all the clubs as a farewell.  I couldn't buy a drink that night to save my life.  [Ed. Note.  O.K., anybody who could put up with being stuck as a grunt on the biggest party island in the IO simply has to have the continuing responsibility of defending it.]

Minister of Chicken Choking
TOM <talgg@telpage.net>
Dates Unknown; Duties Unknown
You'll have to read his Warstory to understand...

MINISTER OF OFFENSE
MICHAEL Z. WILLIAMSON  <daggers@iquest.net>
Dates Unknown; Duties Unknown
Glorious Leader:
      I'm National Guard, can't post just yet, but shortly, I shall be able to admit it (being a minor celebrity, my fans in the USN will want to know my whereabouts so I can sign some autographs in theater).
      And then, I shall desire to be Minister of Offence.
Hey, everyone has this PC crap "Defense" mindset going.  The best defense is a good offense, and I am offensive.  I've even told my mother to fuck off on occasion.  I offend most religions, all political parties, and probably God and Nature by having survived so long.
      And I sharpen knives better than any infantry grunt.  Though he can keep the job.  All I want is the money.
      See my sites, read my Truth, and be confident that under my supervision,
      PPDRDG will be the most offensive nation within 2000 km.
Mike
[EDITOR'S NOTE:  Mike is a REAL author.  Check out his books.  Very Offensive.]
Recent novels by Michael Z. Williamson, available in bookstores worldwide:
THE HERO with John Ringo, June 2004 from Baen Books
THE SCOPE OF JUSTICE, July 2004 from Avon
TARGETS OF OPPORTUNITY, March 2005 from Avon
THE WEAPON, August 2005 from Baen Books
http://www.MichaelZWilliamson.com
http://www.SharpPointyThings.com    Custom knives and historical costumes
"If someone has a gun and is trying to kill you, it would be reasonable to shoot back with your own gun."
--The Dalai Lama, 15 May, 2001 (The Lama carries a Sig.  So do his bodyguards.)

Postmaster General (er... Postmaster Admiral)
ROBIN (CROSBY) McNEW <McNewInPC@aol.com>
Dates Unknown; Fleet Post Office
      ok after reading the site I realized that you have no Postmaster General-and since Chief Sandidge always said I sorted mail like I was in the throes of an epileptic fit-I feel I am qualified for the job. I was also known for racing other mail vans  when running back and forth to the air terminal-and constantly hung out with the air cargo guys in my off time. I loved the Phillipino guys from air cargo and would often go to lunch with them at their chow hall instead of ours. Everyone always complained about the mail-not enough-took too long-cookies got stale or never arrived at all. I have had many a customer at the window rant and rave about the crappy mail service as if we were personally responsible for the fact he got his mail 3 weeks after it was sent. We had the wonderful job of inspecting random packages too.
       Nothing like some hard core porn sent from the loving wife back home. The postal clerks were almost always the object of adoration or completely hated.  There never seemed to be an in-between. Security usually got their mail as soon as it was sorted because at least 3 of us at the post office were dating security guys and would call them to come over as soon as we were done sorting it. This would happen all hours of the night mostly. One major perk was when Dave Parrish would come over from the clubs in the middle of the night while we were sorting mail and distribute tons of T-shirts from his alcohol companies and to pick up his mail early. We were told no early mail calls but Dave always bribed us with free stuff. He was always good for a laugh. Also we used to walk past the barracks near the gym and these guys on the second floor used to hold up score cards rating the girls walking by. You would be amazed at how your score would go up if you would just FLASH EM!  Hilarious group of guys. The one thing i remember most-though-had to be the words :MAIL CALL!!! everywhere I went. It was shouted at the chow hall-all the clubs-the store and even as I stood at the bus stop-those in cars or on bikes would yell it at me as they rode by.

Local Superhero
DAVID F. BATUNGBACAL, AK2, USN <GrtBaticus@aol.com>
Dates Unknown; Duties Unknown
I'm AK2 Batungbacal with the USN. I will be transfering to 'The Rock" July 15th, 2000.  And well, I have many people here on the East coast who are familiar with my nickname so I guess to avoid confusion I'd just like to be cheeseball enough to make it an official title. It would actually be kinda cool to be on a website that every servicemember tranfering there is recomended to read.  Everyone here calls me "Batman" because after they read the B-A-T in my last
name they start to stutter and never finish. Hence forth...."Batman".  So, with all of this Tom-foolery said, I hope you'll consider my self nomination for "Local Superhero" ( Coming soon to a desert isle near you).  Thanx  David F. Batungbacal, AK2, USN

POSTAL HISTORIAN
Mike Depaz <mdepaz@printfarm.com>
Been laughing a lot at the site. I'm not in the Military or ever been to Diego, I've been more of postal collector for islands in the Indian Ocean - BIOT being in the group. I would like to become your Postal Historian. I have every issue produced for the BIOT ( 330+ stamps ) and some interesting covers and mail material. I also have a nice collection of patches not on your site, phone cards and post cards that I have picked up over the years.
Cheers
Mike

HOLDER OF THE HOLY HATCHET OF ANTIOCH
Marcus Fender <surfhomes@aol.com>
Dear PROPEOPDEMREP PRESIDENT FOR LIFE (in absentia),
     I am writing for the purpose of procuring a visa for travel and visiting (perhaps settling) Diego Garcia. My intention is to explore for spots amenable for surfing, snorkeling, lounging in the shade and generally avoiding all the menial tasks my self appointed wife seems to find such pleasure in assigning me.
     As I have already chewed, smoked, and chugged all my poor little brain cells can handle, I (unfortunately) promise not bring any such articles with me. I have mastered a technique for breathing which activates all the desired effects of these items anyways, therefore precluding the necessity for purchasing any such materials.
      I have read about the prohibition of knives on DG, perhaps we can compromise and I can bring along my trusty hatchet. It is a long time family heirloom passed down to me through many (many) previous family members from my great, great aunt “Lizzy”.
     As a brown eyed invader, I am fully aware that any promises I make in regard to religious proselytizing will be meaningless and revocable when and how ever I may be able to determine a feasible method to use such proselytizing to relieve any natives of their goods and especially virgin daughters.
     While visiting Diego Garcia, I do solemnly vow to not instigate, promote, or further inflame any tribal uprisings against your august person, except where absolutely necessary to promote the further sacrifices of any remaining virgin daughters to my secular inoculations.
     I humbly await your reply that I may further my life long ambition of disciplining sand crabs impertinent enough to encroach upon my shade on the shores of Diego Garcia.
     Sincerely,
     Marcus Fender
 
 

MINISTER OF THE COAST GUARD and WARDEN OF THE WOMENS' PRISON
"Andy Wendel" <wendela48@hotmail.com>
Wannabe; USCG
 President for Life, After spending more time than I would like to think about and reading the whole list of "The Current Cabinet of the Provisional Government of the PPDRDG" it appears to me that you do not have anyone to Guard The Coast. It just so happens that I spent four years in the USCG (1967 - 1971) and during the whole four years not one piece of the coast of the USA was ever missing. I was stationed in Mobile, AL as an AD (aviation machinist mate) and spent 8 months TAD in the Arctic (Greenland and North Slope of Alaska) and no part of Greenland was reported missing either. Therefore I request the position of Minister of Guard of the Coast. I also might be of assistance to the AMBASSADOR TO POLAR BEARS EVERWHERE as I had to deal with some Polar Bears (and one Musk OK) in my adventures in the Arctic.
     I live on my boat here in Texas, www.morningstar-charter.com and would need a place to dock her. I did not read about a yacht club so I guess I would
need to become, you guessed it , the Minister of Yacht Clubs. I would like to talk to Chief Lobbyist for Economic Development concerning his idea of the Woman's Prison which could be built at the DG Yacht Club. I of course would be the Warden of Women (prisoners) and be responsible for, you got it, the women prisoners. Somebody has to do it. I was in the USCG which qualified me to guard the coast. I am a boat person therefore the yacht club person. What, do you ask, qualifies me to be the warden person? No I was never in prison but I have seen a lot of prison movies and documentaries.  Some of them had to do with women prisoners. So there.
     If all is in order I will be under way as soon as the Chief Lobbyist for Economic Development cuts me a check for expenses of course to get to DG.  If he will contact me I will give him my estimate of the cost to get there.
"ALL HAIL LENNON AND MARX!"
Capt. Andy
 
 

Welcome Wagon Commissars
Ken and Rattana Bower <KenandLat@aol.com>
Wannabe; US Army
Howdy,  My name is Ken Bower.  Retired Army SFC. Now 65 years old.  Would like to be DG's Welcome Wagon Commissioner.  Along with my Thai wife Rattana (Lat) we would meet and greet each and every newcomer to DG and host the welcome and farewell parties.
     We would need the following:  A large private 2 bedroom home for our personal use.  Air Conditioned, tin roofed, with cable/satellite TV offering full coverage of at least 200 American Television Stations including ALL sports events, all HBO, Showtime, Cinemax, and pay for view channels.  It should have a large entertaining area, huge dining and kitchen area.
     We will also need:  An full Super K-Mart or Wal-mart store w/grocery.  A large Mall that is equal to the South Coast Plaza in Costa Mesa CA.  A Thai supermarket with fresh daily offerings.  A video store with all the current offerings at Blockbuster and Hollywood video stores.  A private boat for nightly cruises at our leisure.  Four trips a year to Bangkok and two to the United States for R&R and mental health adjustment.  A Lincoln Navigator or like for our personal use.
     Pay commensorate with a GS-13 in the government service.
     Hook us up.  We can be ready to travel in six weeks.
Ken and Rattana Bower, Yuma Arizona, http://mahknut.50megs.com/KenandLat/links.htm
[editors note:  If we had all that on DG, we wouldn't need a Welcome Wagon!]

Token Green Cabinet Member; also representing the communists, and anarchists.
LESLEY BOULTON <lesley@lowtech.org>
Wannabe; Rable Rouser
Job description:  Resettlement Officer for the exiled islanders who wish to return to their native turf.  Islanders who were forcibly exiled from the Chagos archipelago back in the '60s by the British and US governments wish to return home.  They have laid a claim in the British high court for the right to resettle Peros Banhos and Salomons - 140 miles from Diego Garcia.  It seems likely that the high court  which will give its judgement in October [2000], will find in their favour.  I think a small job as resettlement officer on your island paradise would be delightful - especially since the winter will be with us soon and I'm not much looking forward to it.  England is a very wet and windy place and I'm not getting any younger.

MINISTER OF LIES
GEORGE CLOGG  <clogg@saltspring.com>
Wannabe; Born Liar
Greetings from Salt Spring Island, British Columbia, Canada from an old in the toof (slang!) ex-Brit journalist and ex-RN.  Fascinated with every word BUT mates what is happening NOW? I still write for Scotland. Is there anyone on DG who has a Scottish connection, or is, or can make news. Romance, want so a Scottish pen pal. You know good old boring stuff that will even make Lord Nelson crap himself?  Can I apply for the job of Minister of Lies and run a broadcasting station, please? I've had BBC experience.  Truffully eye did.

Ambassador from the Philippines & Liaison for San Miguel Beer
RED PLANA <book@postmaster.co.uk>
Wannabe; Duties Unknown
Dear Ted,
Seeing as no one has yet claimed the title of Ambassador from the Philippines & Liaison for San Miguel Beer supplies, I hereby nominate myself for the position. ^_^  So many ways to conceal bottled beer...is it still banned?
     Wonderful to know that you enjoy my country's beer...even better if y'all come over to Boracay Island (the best beach in the world) & really see how a full moon against the pristine white shore and clear, light blue water looks like.  Great for midnight swims, and you can't have accidents from inebriation at night when it's low tide since the water goes out for a mile at waist level. Go for banana boat rides, scuba dives, surfing, water skiing, as well as golf.
Thanks!
Red Plana

Minister of Transport
PHIL JONES <PAJones@wsatkins.co.uk>
Wannabe; Engineer in the Good Old UK
Phil wants to go to DG so bad, he's trying to go out as a contractor!  Here's his request:  Please put me down for Minister for Transport in the PPDRDG Cabinet.  I have the freaky idea of restoring the railway on the pier over by the Plantation if I got out there!  I would instigate the Wacky Races from San Miguel Village to the Donkey Show Gate and back on an annual basis which would be open to everybody. There would be Free Hot Air Balloon flights (although because of costs, this would be one-way I'm afraid, and voyagers would have to swim back). And I'd make it compulsory for all ranks above Major to ride monocycles in order to get about.  [editors note:  Because of this last, you've got my vote!]

EXTRA-SPECIAL CONTRIBUTIONS

Someone out there sent me this back before Gulf War II, and asked if I'd care to put it on the web site.  Although we all remember the place in our own special way, I think this pretty much captures the type of attitude of the members of the PPDRDG.  For those of you who don't speak French, its entitled "My life on the Rock"

Mi Vie En Rocque

38 hours, 45 minutes into a 39 hour FFH (Flight-From-Hell), a tiny speck of coral appeared seemingly from nowhere, the first and only dry land I'd sighted in over 5 hours of flight above a calm, pristine Indian Ocean.   This would be my new home for the next year I marveled, as anticipation choked the fatigue out of my body - if only temporarily.  As we approached the runway, I was both surprised and amazed to see the R-Site looking exactly as it did in the photos I reviewed some 6 months prior.  R-site would be my new work place, if there was to be any work on this island paradise.  (There is, and lots of it).  We landed uneventfully and taxied off the runway in a gentle January rain.  So began one year of fun in the sun on Diego Garcia.

The US Navy has a traditional name for Diego Garcia, for as long as I'd been in the place has been referred only as "The Rock".  To my delight I came to learn that a greater misnomer couldn't possibly be.  This has got to be the most fertile soil (both literally and figuratively) that the US Navy has ever come ashore upon.  The place is covered with dense, lush jungle, coconut trees swaying gently in the breeze, ferns and myriad other plant life spreading out as an emerald carpet  on every acre not that has not been disturbed by man.  Diego Garcia is the sort of place that people the world over spend their life savings for just a taste of.  I am here for a year, and I am being paid for it.

The US Navy and the British Indian Ocean Territory (BIOT) cadre have taken broad measures to preserve the natural beauty of the place, and it shows, on every jungle trail, on every secluded beach.  I cannot imagine another place on earth with as many miles of litter-free, natural beaches as DG has.  The motor vehicle population is kept to a barest minimum, and careful accounting of the biped population ensures it does not exceed the island's natural ability to provide fresh water.

At the BIOT helm is a man, known to many only as "Brit Rep", who discharges his duties of preserving law, order and natural beauty with fierce loyalty and great dignity.  A Royal Navy Commander, his charming nature and positive outlook on life set the tone for an extremely pleasant way of life.  He is without a doubt one of the finest human beings I have ever known.  The BIOT Security Force provides an idyllic sense of order that exists in few other places on the planet in this day and age.  This is the only place where I have seen Cannondale bicycles routinely left unlocked, without fear of thievery.   Indeed, life on DG is deceptively simple.

Efforts on behalf of the Brit Rep to preserve - or at least stabilize - one of the original plantation colonies have been quite successful and give visitors a very realistic sense of life when DG was a coconut oil processing colony at the turn of the century.  Most of the atoll lies beyond the landmark "Donkey Gate" and is open for recreational use with strict regulations enforced to preserve its beauty.  On this plot of land, burros from the days of the coconut traders exist peacefully in a land of monstrous coconut crabs - a highly protected and amazingly unique species.   The area is also home to legendary "Turtle Cove" a safe haven given to the encouragement of the turtle population in the Chagos Archipelago.  An afternoon at Turtle Cove, amongst the loggerhead, hawksbill, rays, sharks and fish makes one easily forget for a spell the 11,500+ miles that separate us from our loved ones in Los Estados Unidos.

In the main body of the lagoon, and beyond, awaits what is undisputedly some of the best fishing in the world.  Tuna, wahoo, snapper, "sweet lips", marlin, barracuda are all the catch of the day.  Unfortunately, with global sea temperatures on the rise, the delicate balance of the coral ecosystem is disturbed, causing the coral reef to die at an alarming rate.  With it will go the fish population, fostering a rapidly growing sentiment for catch-and-release fishing.  A foreboding  of man's untamable ability to ruin the world?  Hard to imagine - and frightening - here in the middle of Everyman's definition of nowhere.

Life outside the water echoes the tides of the sea, with a mostly Navy military population shifting in and out in one year tours.  A stable water table of Filipino and Mauritian contractors, peppered with a handful of stalwart Americans, provide the island's only human stability.  It would be impossible to overstate the contributions that these patient people have made to the integrity of our joint service forces in the Indian Ocean/Arabian Sea regions.  Enabling a robust resource in support of sustained operations in the Arabian Sea, these folks, many of whom have remained on the island for over 10 years,  play as great a role in regional stabilization as do the uniformed short-timers that ebb and flow.

To the DG veterans who are reading this, you should be pleased to know that:
-     the Fighting Seabees are still the backbone of the island republic,
-     the Brit Club is still the place for lovers and fighters alike,
-     the Expat is still the place to be humbled by the beauty of a DG sunset,
-     Fil-Mau (Pill-Mow) is still the island honky-tonk,
-     Seamen's (USS) is still the place for eyeball liberty,
-     and that DG MWR is still the finest on any DOD installation worldwide.

Out with the old, in with the new.  The Seabee Det is working steadfastly on the construction of long-overdue TCN (Third-Country Nationals - read Fil-Mau) barracks to replace the ramshackle seahuts.  The resident Sea Bees are, on a strictly and dedicatedly volunteer basis,  building a new temple for the Mauritians of Hindu faith.  The blood, sweat and tears of the Seabees, long the cornerstone of Diego Garcia civilization, exemplify the spirit of unity and cooperation that pervades DG life.  Lastly, to everyone's dismay, the Brits saw fit to paint the sign out in front of the Brit Club.

When I first came across Ted's web site while surfing the net for info some six months before coming here, I thought "the guy's a kook."  Who in their right mind could be so obsessed with a place as to sustain an adoration for it for over a decade  AFTER leaving it?!  Off his rocker, mad, I thought.  Until I came to DG.  For those of you reading this whom have never been here - there is no place like it on earth.  Once here, if you care to look deeply enough, it's spirit, slowly, and quiet as the jungle, will consume you.  It permeates your being until you become part of its complex socio-ecosystem, a Diegite, if you will.  Those reading this who have had the pleasure - whether your juice was the night life, the nature, the sands on the beaches - know quite what I'm talking about.

The importance of Diego Garcia in the architecture of the Department of Defense of the United States of America is unequivocal.  It's primary mission, that of allowing members of the US Armed Forces to rebuild and restore all of that "self" that is lost while appealing to more intense operational commitments elsewhere, is being met daily, and met well.

Long live the Peoples' Republic!

May, 2002, update:  "I'm here in "Dodge" and have some news for you... The Expat has been closed down and deemed not safe for about 8 months now. The Fil-Mau is now the latino and rappers delight sort of place, not honky-tonk. Thought you might be interested."   IT2(SW) Scott Lawson  PATRON FOUR

The Question is, What Do Women Really Think?  Here's an answer from John T., fellow DGer:

A man walking along a Californian beach was in deep prayer. All of a sudden, he said out loud, “Lord, grant me one wish.”

Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, “Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.”

The man said, “Build a bridge to Hawaii so that I can drive over anytime I want.” The Lord said, “Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! The ecological damage!  I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish; a wish you think would honour and glorify me.”

The man thought about it a long time. Finally he said, “Lord, I wish I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside; what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment; why they cry; what they mean when they say “Nothing”; and how I can make a woman truly happy.”

The Lord replied, “You want two lanes or four lanes on that bridge?”

 Here is a real woman's perspective from the 1990s

Maid Marian's ode to Noel and DG:

                               UMMMM,
                                I once went to live on DG,
                                It was a delightful place to be,
                                Whiskey and wine,
                                The dancing was fine,
                                Men behind every tree.
                                For women the tour was a breeze,
                                Full moons, hungry men and the seas,
                                Happy times, good friends and no strife,
                                'Tis where I met the love of my life!

An island in the ocean,
paradise this is not,
we’re doomed to spend our tour,
in the land that time forgot.

Down with smoke and liquor,
we’re the gallant warriors in blue,
stuck amidst of nowhere,
a million miles from you.

Guardians of the footprint,
we earn our meager pay,
supporting naval vessels,
for two and a half a day.

Alone and bunked at nighttime,
yearning for that lovely miss,
to fondle with sweet memories,
tosavor that treasured kiss.

In rain and heat we labor,
our boots are filled with sand,
although not classed as convicts,
but protectors of our land.

No one knows we’re living,
no one gives a damn,
who would ever wonder,
‘cause we’re owned by Uncle Sam.

The time we spend on Diego,
is time we’ll never miss,
let NMPC get you,
but don’t ever ask for this.

When pearly gates are opened,
 and life will be anew,
our frowns will turn to laughter,
and the joke will be on you.

For high above in heaven,
you’ll hear St. Peter yell,
“FALL IN YOU WARRIORS FROM DIEGO,
YOU’VE SPENT YOUR TIME IN HELL!!

Hi friends,
      My name is Russ and I'm a Chief Petty Officer in the United States Navy.   I wanted to retire this December but the Navy made me transfer for a whole  year to a small Island in the Indian Ocean named Diego Garcia. It's a  small Island having 10 square miles of land surface owned by the British.  It's called British Indian Ocean Territory or BIOT for short.
      Living conditions here are terrible. I only have a double bed in my private room. I have no dishwasher in my kitchen area. Everyday I'm forced to wash any dishes I have used.  And I must use them often because the chow hall is almost 2 blocks away!  I'm forced to walk those 2 blocks if I want food this day.
      I have to walk for my food today because I did not catch fish this weekend. I usually fish on the weekends for my daily meals but this past weekend I had to sail in the regatta. My friend and I were forced to sail a 22 foot boat faster than the others in order to win. We even had to provide our own beer! Just imagine the embarrassment we faced while  riding our bikes to the Marina carrying all that beer! The ultimate shame was that the "born on date" was almost 90 days old. Oh, the shame I felt that sad day!
      Even when I get to fish for my dinner I must provide my own lures. The condition of my lures is beyond belief. Because of the delay in mail order catalog delivery in this remote part of the world, the only fish that struck my lures was a 68 pound tuna and a 45 pound wahoo. The blue marlin looked at my lure and laughed in my face! Had the mail system been better I could have caught the 1500 pound blue marlin instead of face this humiliation. Imagine my shame!
      To add to my troubles the skeet range is out of shotgun shells and won't receive a shipment for another week. How many of you are denied the basic needs of a free skeet range? How am I to endure this burden?
      By now you are asking yourself "how can I help, how can I make a difference"? All I ask is that you send an encouraging card or letter to brighten my lonely days at the following address:

   Please send this letter to 5 of your friends so they might feel my pain.  Your small card, letter or e-mail could help me overcome the shame of not catching a trophy size marlin, not shooting skeet for the next week or even the pain of drinking old beer while sailing.

 Thank you for your time,

 Russ Smothers